I dont want to sadden you too much, but am just thinking…
My mother still seems irritated by my illness, she looks the kind, who’ll accept me only if i am ‘‘normal’’, idk…
Ok, the rest is, that i really was a very, very passive aunt…
I really think, that i have a big mistake with my nephew… I could have shouted out loud more my feeling, that he looks desperate…
Tbh, some say, that some guilt is real in fact and you shouldnt even run away from it…
Idk how i’ll become happier from now on, maybe i’ll have a special life, a very special one, as an outsider etc…
The rest is that i’ll keep praying God, i really was without him at one point, maybe without heart too… Who knows, maybe i’ll want to help somebody more one day because of my nephew…
Hugs to all!!
I really feel, like i am totally guilty for real…
I dont know what to do with this…
He saw me only whining, guys, even though, that at one point i started to tell him, that i’ll do it…
Isnt it too much for a kid to have this totally crazy aunt?
I influenced him, he was holding a lot on his family, including me…
I dont know if i deserve to live now tbh…
I hear you, My now dead mother was the same, i was just seen as a PIA - She was from the late 1930’s tho - where mental illness wasnt thought about.
Dont feel Guilty. Whatever you do, or happens - you have a God Given Right to a Happy Life. And if that means,treading on a few toes along the way - so be it x
Thank you, Naarai…
I just know see, how badly talk the normies about some people who are on drugs or just down etc…
Me too now am on a heavy chemistry, maybe its visible.
I dont care about my chemistry now, but my sweet nephew only saw me complaining, except maybe the last year, but then precisely i was feeling maybe the most his despair and i didn’t do much…
Anyway, he was on some drugs too i think since years, but he wasnt the social kind of a drug addict, he had no one in fact, not even going outs with friends…
Thank you again, even my thinking now is changing tbh, yeap, I’ll never forget that…
In fact my father was abusive and maybe brainwashed by the commie system… He died after his own psychosis, which came in his 50s…
Me, i feel ill since a kiddo, ive searched for help after the death of my father…
Maybe my nephew had some mi too…
My online bf claims, that the mi is not genetic, for neither of us…
Ttyl
Feeling guilty after a loved one has passed away is a very normal reaction. So try not to be too hard on yourself. My eldest brother took his own life 3 and a half years ago…which left the rest of the family scratching our heads.
You are a beautiful person and don’t deserve this weight. Stay strong and be good to yourself. You deserve nothing but the best. 
Its natural to feel some guilt when someone you know commits suicide
Most people who do it are mentally ill
I still feel a bit of guilt when someone i knew distantly, he went to the same church. Well he did suicide and i think what if id been a friend to him? Would he still have?
I myself struggle and id never want anyone to feel guilty if godforbid i did anything
So just relax @Anna1 and try distracting techniques today, take care!
Thank you to you both lol…
Ok, I’ll see how it goes, i take my meds now, they still work…
In fact now am on zyprexa, klonopin, depakote and melatonin for sleep…
Maybe its a lot, but i was severe too…
Patrick, my heart goes with you too, we share something, i didn’t know that about you…
Sorry for your friend too, dear you, no, you couldn’t have helped more too yeap…
Yes, the suicide often is linked to a mental illness mainly…
God bless 
Ok, so am chatting with chatgpt now in the same time…
Yes, my treatment now is heavy, idk how it sounds to you, but i feel it now even as helping me now, am even going out in the morning etc…
For right now, my body is accepting it lol…
Zyprexa is 10mgs, klonopin 1mg, depakote just 250mgs per day, thats it…
I have only this forum with people, who has my condition…
I have two ill friends irl, but they are in too much pain too, so i try to be careful with them…
Do you think, guys, that this is quite a heavy treatment now?
Thats all for now, I’ll try to calm down here…
Prayers for all of us!!
Every patient is unique.
My wife is on way more pills than that for her Bipolar mania. If it’s working for you, then maybe don’t rock the boat. But if you feel you need a medication adjustment to feel better, then don’t be shy to bring it up with your Doctor.
It’s tragic but it’s not your fault. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Your family will need you strong now more than ever.
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