for me it was putting holes in walls and doors, burning symbols into the floor, and writing words in the air with my finger.
Driving⌠for days and ending up 3 states away and getting arrested⌠happened twiceâŚ
Made loaf of sandwiches and put beside garbage can for homeless peopleâs. And down by some train yard.
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Threw all my clothes out of the hospital window
Stole magazines from hospital shop. The shop assistant ran after me and got them back
Cutting off all my hair on top and dyeing it red. The back was still chin length and brown. My mom went crazy: âwhat did you do to your hair???â I canât believe I was so stupid!
And of course the stupid thing that I did the most whilst ill was cutting my arm till it bled. Once I even smeared the blood on my bedroom walls. When I first got sz my bedroom walls were covered in writing (I used charcoal mostly).
Letâs seeâŚ
I have gone dancing down the streets for hours (like 6 hours straight of hard-core dancing). I have pointed at and poked everyone in the grocery store (got chased out of the store). I cut my wrist and took all of my meds, thinking I would die and merge with God, which incapacitated me for about 12 hours (ended up in the hospital obviously). I chopped my hair off in chunks all over my head. I have gone around the streets listening to my headphones and doing the lyrics in sign language for everyoneâs amusement (I donât know sign language). I have gone down the streets playing air guitar and air drums for passing cars (legit thinking I know how to play those instruments and I donât). I walked through my old neighborhood talking out (really) loud, documentary style, to the satellites and cameras that were recording the â47average showâ telling them all about the shops, my old apartments, my gym etc. I left my car with the door open and my cat and purse inside in the middle of the highway because the voice in my head told me it would be OK (that was my first psychotic break that landed me in the hospital). I have laid down in random places, on several occasions, putting my hands in a skyward prayer position and meditating staring at one spot, totally motionless for 15-20 minutes (this one really blows my mind because I canât meditate for 2 minutes when I am not psychotic). I have practiced dramatic martial arts and ballet at my gym thinking it is legit when I know neither martial arts or ballet (must have been entertaining to watch).
YeahâŚI am a nutter butter for sure. Thatâs why I take the meds.
oh and I want to add that I am still convinced that scientists controlling my brain made me do all that stuff and they really are monitoring everything. Like I said, I take my meds.
I threw out just about everything I owned (cost me a lot), lived in the dark with the windows all covered up, was a nasty time
I bought random cups of tea and chocolates and gave them to homeless people. I think I even gave bananas to homeless people. I was overseas at the time and new no one. This was just homeless people I found on the street in other countries. I also went to a homeless shelter and spent time just hanging out with the homeless. I understand how you could make them sandwiches. It was a nice thought.
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I used to wrap myself up really tight in my blankets because I thought it would prevent me from killing people in my sleep
I once took an entire wall of my house out with a sledgehammer while everyone else was at work. Luckily for us it wasnât a load bearing wall!
Having eaten a spoiled food (thinking I donât deserve fresh food), going to the confession every day asking the priest for forgiveness, singing out loud church songs on the way home, and finally taking the overdose as I believed God wanted me to kill myself. Happened twice.
I wound up in New Hampshire, but I thought I was in India, and I went around speaking âanother languageâ to everyone. I set a trash can on fire and huddled around it for warmth, and then my friend put me on a bus back home. This was all thanks to a bad reaction to Depakote.
Funny story, I went to pick up my meds one time and the lady asked me if I had taken this med before, My reply was Iâm wearing my clothes. She had a good laugh.
I get mania and have a habit of getting naked
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I used to run away in the middle of the night to go meet my âsecret half-brotherâ who never existed. I was absolutely convinced he was going to come and take me to California, where we would make movies together. I would get very frustrated when he didnât show up, but I still kept going out to try and find him. I have no idea why or how this belief developed. My parents met when they were teenagers, and started their family right out of high school. Neither of them had any time to have a secret kid before meeting each other.
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Have you got any siblings? If not maybe it was a realization of your secret wish to have oneâŚ
my delusions came out probably based on my believe I was not a good person. I was abused and bullied as a kid and it was my secret. In addition I fell in love with a married man and we were meeting for some time. And I used to be very religious. Probably that is why my delusions were based on the theme of God punishment⌠at least this is how I explain it to myselfâ:blush:
During my psychotic episodes i was in hospital before i could do anything too stupid. However one time i had a seizure in the morning while still in bed and after the seizure was so disoriented that i went outside naked trying to get an espresso in my usual place before work. I was of course not let into the cafe and started walking for my car. Then the police came and picked me up. So embarrasing. It happens after seizure that people sre really disoriented for a while and its was like i was sleep walking.
When I was 18 I flipped my momâs car driving home from church. I attribute this to becoming manic for one of the first times because I didnât normally drive that recklessly. It kind of set the tone for my senior year of high school.
Back in 1999 in America I emailed to a couple of thousands of my email contacts worldwide that all American high-tech companies have CIA agents.
I have three siblings, but my older brother was sexually/physically abusive, so maybe it was a desire to have an older sibling who wasnât awful.
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I am really sorry to hear about your brother. What a sh*** !!! Do you mind me asking sth? Are you still in touch with your brother? Have you ever talked about it? Please do not reply if it is to harmful to talk about itâŚMy brother was physically and mentally abusive. We hardly ever are in touch but I asked him recently why was that. He told me about his experience from that time I had no idea about: he was self harming (cutting himself). It really opened my eyes that there were two of us going through hell at that time. I was a victim of his emotional neglect of our parentsâŚ