…and they lived happily ever after. But when I was the age of listening to fairy tales, I was blind to my parents’ relationship. When I was 20 I gave a superficial answer to the question. “Oh, they get along alright.” I’d say when actually, I had forgotten them. Now, at 75, I realize the difficulties they had. They stayed married for 53 years. Once, when I was 6, my Mom wrote my Dad a letter stating she’d like to separate. But she never sent the letter. Too much for a proud New Englander. You often tell me I should get my mind off the past. But the past is what made me who I am. I could guard my tongue better and will as I realize the intense affect my parents had on me.
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Were your parents happily married?
- Yes
- No
- Sometimes?
0 voters
My parents weren’t happily married and my childhood was miserable as a result.
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We need the category “sometimes”.
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Done ! 
I get that. You felt left out and, as only being a child, you were more needy than they. Unfair!
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My parents knew each other two weeks before they got married. They stayed together almost 30 years.
Near the end they hated each other and after they finally divorced and each of them got remarried, they rarely talked about each other and on those rare occasions they mentioned each other my mother couldn’t mention my father without anger. My dad was more magnanimous when he mentioned her to me because his second marriage was a lot happier than hers.
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I was grown and living my own life, I was in my late twenties.
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You seem to post about your parents a lot. Have you thought about talking to a therapist? They might be able to help with your obsession with your parents.
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Oddly enough, my talks with therapists are mostly about myself. My parents don’t come to mind. I suppose it is because I’m in a home situation and so I think more about them here.
I was around 8 when I first noticed my parent’s marriage wasn’t that good . They argued a lot. Often blaming me for doing so . I remember my mother ,in a rather inebriated state, telling me to tell my sister she was going to leave my father . I was 14. The separation occured in 1978 during my 7-8 month stay in psych hospital .
They divorced very early on and my mom divorced someone else not long before that.
I don’t remember anything at all because I was so young when they split.
I think too much of our society makes marriage such a standard for receiving others approval as being ‘accomplished’ (or whatever the word is?) that people have more reason to stay in incompatible relationships.
And of course the pain of having to accept something was a mistake and face potential loneliness is another factor people stay together.
I hear you about people trying to tell you to get out of the past and I hate when someone tells me that. Like… I get fired up pretty bad.
I would argue people who want to use that phrase probably were traumatized by something so the spreading of such an idea is enticing to the ego.
I wish I could let go of the past, but the fact is, it has its hold on us and who we become. It’s not that easy as slipping off your shoes or something…
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How old were you when they separated? Did you think that the fact that you were sick entered into their decision to split?
I don’t know. Maybe 5 or 6? They apparently split because my father was just very aggressive in general. Not physically, but very forceful/demanding.
It was a factor for many other problems I have though.
In general, being fatherless is attributed to many societal problems for young men. It’s a subject I feel somewhat passionate about.
I think a lot of stay at home fathers feel tremendous guilt for robbing the cradle. Mothers should be able to focus on the children and not have to coddle grown husbands. I envied the divorced.
My mother and father never should have conceived children.
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I was 21 . There was a lot of psychological baggage with their marriage . My paternal grandfather was a good man from what I was told , by both my father and mother, but rather henpicked by my grandmother. My father was determined not to have that happen to him .
My mother’s father had left to do war work in the North of England when she was 7 or so . He shacked up with a woman while there . He came back to see my mum and grandma when she was 15 . My mother told him to get lost or similar words . His grandfather had comitted bigamy by marrying my 2gt grandmother in Glasgow while still being married to someone in Newcastle on Tyne .
My mother was determined not to have a man dominate her . I can’t recall my mother ever mentioning her father very often . I never saw him . He died in 1988 due to a road accident.
A recent 2nd cousin found via My heritage said he was known to be a bit of a rogue .
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What I hear from my older siblings is that my parents used to fight a lot early in their marriage. I think my dad was too weak minded to separate from my mom and also I now think he had a fear of being alone again as he was a single child and his parents had both passed.
I think my dad eventually gave in to my mothers demands and never has challenged her authority since.
Sometimes I really think I would have been better off if my parents would have divorced.
I also think that really ultimately both my parents had mental issues and they started antidepressants when they first hit the market. They have yet to get off the meds and I think it is highly unlikely they will.
It became clear to me when I became a teen that I lacked a strong father figure in my life and my mother couldn’t take the place of my dad so she gave up on me and my younger brother and just would send us to hospitals and juvenile court systems…
My mom never bothered to ask my dad his name. Calling her the town bicycle still doesn’t do her justice.