Because my PTSD is flaring up again. It does every summer, because summer was when my first psychotic episode was. It is especially bad now that we live back where we used to live when it happened. I have been having nightmares again. Some flashbacks. It’s been really hard. I’ve been drinking excessively, eating unhealthily and been fixated on having a lot of sex and basically doing everything I can to keep the feelings repressed and to not have to deal with it. My brain keeps going back to that bedroom where I was so terrified and where I was hurt so badly.
I know this flare up is temporary and it will pass. But it’s hard. It’s really hard. My poor boyfriend is so confused. I’m basically depressed whenever I leave him and it’s because I no longer have him to distract me and he also provides me with a feeling of safety. Maybe I will tell him about me soon. I dont know.
Whenever my PTSD flares up I fall into periods of drinking too much. In college I kept a bottle of grey goose under my bed. Then when the PTSD goes into remission I stop because the need isn’t there anymore.
Anyhow next week as part of my one dietary change a week plan I’m cutting back to only drinking once a week.