Having a hard time today. Can’t seem to get myself motivated today other than burst of energy I had at 8am when I did three loads of laundry. Been vegetating in front of the TV and catching catnaps. Suicidal ideas fleeting in and out, but aren’t staying. Worried I am never going to get SSDI, because I managed to get a Ph.D. before. But I really don’t think I can work again.
Spent all my savings. Could very easily become homeless. Everything is hanging by a thread. What would I do?
You know, I have come to realize that I am sick. That I am vulnerable. And it scares the hell out of me. And I am actually crying today.
I will try vocational rehabilitation if my benefits run out and I still don’t qualify for SSDI. This is my second round of applications for it. The first time took two years and I was denied after appeal after appeal. It may be last hope. The Pdoc mentioned it, but if I was eligible I wouldn’t qualify for SSDI, because right now we are telling them I can’t work at all.
I entered schizophrenia about age 17. I could and can still do the things I had done for money up to that age, that is, I could and can babysit and cut and rake a lawn and maintain and run a vacuum cleaner.
SSDI is not the answer to financial problems. In my estimation, they hardly give a person enough to live on.
Right now when you have nothing at all, SSDI seems like a godsend, that can eventually be a launching point to something better, right now I don’t have any security.
When I was trying to get SSI, I was in a small town that had a Social Worker. If I had gone to her, I imagine she could have gotten me some benefits. Bur her son had dated my sister and left her kind of unhappy, so I didn’t want to see that Social Worker.
My rent is 600, my utilities are 100, my insurance is 570, my prescriptions are 300 groceries are 200 and my Internet is 30. As it stands now I run out in April.
The system for financial help in this country is complex, cumbersome, and not user friendly. But you should get some help .
Someone should pay for your health insurance. Some other folks should pay for your groceries. Around here, the differing towns have different food pantries. A lot of folks go to our pantry who are from out of town, I judge. Our town has a great food pantry, but I qualify for out of town ones as well.
Because I have SSI, I am certified as disabled. Because I am certified as disabled, I’m protected against shut off from the electric company during the cold weather. When I didn’t pay my electric bill one Winter, I called the electric company in the Spring and asked for Billing.
I kid you not, the gal I got on the phone immediately started shaming me. Then,il I asked her a reasonable question. “Where do I go to get help paying your bill?” “Are you Protestant, Catholic, or Jewish?” she asked me in a pleasant tone of voice. I thought she was over stepping her bounds, but I answered, “I’m Protestant. Why do you ask?” “Well,” she said, "If you’re Protestant, you go to the Needy Fund, if you’re Catholic, you go the St. Francis Church, and if your Jewish you go to the Hellenistic Fund. " Then she continued, “Since you’re from the Lower Cape, if you go to the Needy Fund, they’ll refer you to Lower Cape Outreach, so why don’t you go there directly?”
It was kool going to the Lower Cape Outreach, and they paid the highest month in my outstanding bill! A bunch of do gooders who didn’t understand schizophrenia gave me a bunch of lectures . . .
That’s the worst. It seems you are very aware of your position though…I had to take baby steps.
I’m sorry you are struggling. I’m sure things will work themselves out. Big hug.
Wow, that sucks that they include your 401K as assets! In NY they don’t (at least in my county), just cash and savings, you can have as much as you can in retirement and still get benefits. And you can own property too. Food pantries are a life saver, they helped me out many months to get by when I didn’t qualify for food stamps. I also found that it pays to shop around for prescriptions. I don’t know if you have co-pays or are paying out of pocket. Like Walmart surprisingly is not always the cheapest place to get them.
I’m sorry you are having trouble. Can you qualify for Medicaid to cover your prescriptions? If you get really desperate, you can always start a gofundme page. Strangers from the Internet can be very generous, though I’m sure you’ll get a few jerks telling you to suck it up and get a job.
Could you do some under the table work that can give you a few extra bucks? When I was on disability I did babysitting, and I know some people who washed dishes at small local restaurants. If you have a car you can be an Uber driver or a delivery person. I think most of those jobs are off the books. If you do any crafts you could try selling them at local art shows or on Etsy. I know you aren’t in a place for solid, stable employment right now, but these jobs are relatively low stress. I don’t know your level of functioning in real life though bit might still be too much.
I’ve been homeless before, and it sucks hardcore. I had a car though, which made things more tolerable.
You know, although I cannot condone your working ‘under the table’ suggestion, some of your other suggestions, like the gofundme page, seem really great. Thanks for posting those! I now have more hope to share with people in difficult circumstances.
I don’t know what to say. I feel bad for you. 
