Venting as a schizophonic

I’m new to this site, Infact I’v not been diagnosed, But I know what’s going on with me only because I remember a time when I didn’t hear the “Voices” so it’s a simple math sum 1+1 = If I talk about this I’m assumed crazy so I don’t.

When It started, Well it all happend together, I started seen black shadows appear and disapear, I started feeling something touch me on the head sholders (for the woman I’ll be polite) In my manly place Infact anywhere and everywhere they don’t seem to have a limit on where they can touch me but what they can say to me is becomming very limited (In saying that sometimes they suprise me) and a lot of the time they- how only I can describe drop a dribble of cold water on me, The time I feel it for is normally as long as I focus on it.

I’v read a few comments or topics on the old site and although I know for a fact it isn’t God reason been, I can’t imagine God been a pest who goes out to annoy His children like this, I can’t imagine Him cursing, lying and speaking complete and utter bullsh*t.

This came to life around me about 4 years ago when I finished reading the bible, I came to a understanding and found (as they say “what I was looking for”) Try to understand I just finished reading a book that I found to contain a truth I was looking for- for a lifetime it thought me about a place I couldn’t see but what lived there was Evil, Vial, abominations etc and would do anything they where allowed to do to decieve me, mislead me, convince me all to make sure I suffer with them.

Then all of a sudden after I closed the bible these voices appear? Isn’t that a little coincidental?

When I first started to hear voices I was covered in the truth, It was alive within me. I had just found the answers that some people die looking for. I find it highly coincidental that my answers consist of believing in a God that you can’t hear or see and I start hearing seeing and feeling, but what I hear isn’t at all Godly but vial.

Nobody wants to say they hear the voice of demons or feel them or see them because theres a huge stereotype around that subject, no-one would dear say it because they think if you hear demons or devils you must be evil or in some shape discusting by nature (even though physics make a nice income from talking to them --meaning that the general public is interested in what these voices/demons have to say)
People who suffer from what they call schizophrenia would be terrorfied to even consider the voice is a demon/devil and due to their lack of knowledge it’s understandable. So they run to a doctor and take drugs or turn to drink and drugs to find an excape. And that to is understandable. Because when it’s hard its freaking hard!

Obiviously something happend to me to make me go and start reserching schizophrenia, I wanted for a brief time to tell myself that my believe system was wrong, I am deluded and what I see, feel, hear, are fragments or my imagaination, I was thinking that if I went and talked to a doctor and get pills it would vanish-- But the stronger part of myself say’s keep fighting, The more I fight the stronger I get, When I’m weak and look like a zombie I know I will fight my way to the top again, What I’v seen is real, no delusion… and after sitting here for this time and with what was ment to be a question turned out to be me venting, I can’t ever tell myself what I feel hear or see isn’t real, Nur will I go to a doctor so his doctern can tell me I’m deluded. So I guess I will live with what doctors would call denial?

Thanks for reading, If you’ve any input or opinions or your own story (when/how it started etc) I would love to hear from you

PS, As I stated above I don’t talk about this often so it dosn’t fall off my tongue fluntly, So please bear with me. All opinions/comments welcome

it is good you are talking about it, that can help to process things in an orderly way in your mind.
there are many layers to being a sz , all very enjoyable ( joking ).
take care

Thanks for your comment and yes it’s as joyful as… Well it’s not fun at all is it haha
I joined this forum to see what others are going through and how they help themselfs.
but I don’t think I have schizophrenia, I’v a lot in common and I resemble schizophrenia,
but the differences are to me 'big - there are differences. this one been the most noticable How often do you have an episode?

the only way to know is to go to a shrink, but like i said there are lots of layers to sz. you could be sz effective…etc… but the thing is your welcome here no matter what.
take care