I ended up having my doctor change my Clozaril dose and it’s not helping yet. I ended up self harming so badly that I needed stitches. They asked a lot of questions about if the voice told me to do it and I said no but the answer was really yes. I just didn’t want to tell them because I didn’t want to be hospitalized. But now I’m really having a REALLY hard time not ripping my stitches out and doing it deeper because it feels like it’s not deep enough.
Can someone please offer a comforting word or tell me what to do?
If you are thinking about self harm you should be in the hospital. I really don’t know what I can say to stop you from having the urge to do so. Don’t hurt yourself. Go to the hospital.
Edit: And yes, you need to be honest with your doctors about it so they can treat you properly. There is very little we on the forum can do to help you, except what advice has already been stated.
I can only tell you what I did. I hate being in the psych ward, like I really hate it. But I was still honest with my doctors about what I was experiencing, my thoughts and stuff. They can’t treat you properly if they don’t know what is going on. They put me on a new med (Lurasidone) and it improved my life dramatically. I don’t think I would be in my current state if I had lied to the doctor to get out of the hospital. I would be sitting here at home psychotic.
If you really want help, fight the urge to self harm, go to the hospital, be honest with the doctor, tell them the voices are telling you to do stuff. I spent a total of about a month in the hospital a few years ago. I hated every minute of it, but I am much better off now than I was then. If you go willingly they will probably treat you better and show more compassion, I was taken to the hospital by the cops in hand cuffs so they were understandably cautious with me and I was afforded very little freedom while I was there.
If your getting command halluncinations you need to be honest and tell them. Your playing a dangerous game if you dont tell them exactly how your feeling.
If your not taken seriously DO NOT KICK OFF and get violent. You will end up in a worse position than before.
Your one and only priority is to keep yourself safe. If your gonna cut - chuck all your knives in the trash outside.
Im no doctor - but im guessing you got maybe a personality disorder as well? I just ask cos self-harm is common in that.
You gotta take responsibilty for your actions and take steps to calm down.