Almost 3 months in hospital. What did I do wrong?

Neither APs nor ADs are helping, and every day I become more convinced I was sent by God to this universe only to be deceived by the devil. Maybe “deepdown” I don’t believe it, but where did “deep down” go? Guilt is the only constant. My pseudo delusions are just sorry attempts at avoiding responsability for my actions. I’m guilty, so please, someone kill me.

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Are you still in the hospital? I have some insight when I’m delusional that my delusions arent full reality yet I’m somehow convinced they are at the same time. I was told this is common especially in the beginning.

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Yes, I’m still in the hospital. When you say “In the beginning?”, do you mean during onset?

Have you tried clozaril? This is very worrisome to read. Clozaril is the gold standard in APs. Its literally the only med that works for a fair chunk of us.

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No, I haven’t. I just switched to Latuda, and so far no serious side-effects.

If latuda doesnt help please ask your doctor about clozaril. Really hope things turn around for you, dont give up yet.


It took me 3 years to find a medication that actually worked for me, and it took years for many others on here as well. Keep trying. Also it is good you have any level of awareness of your delusions. It is normal for us all to have a gut feeling that our delusions are true even if mentally we know they are delusions. What’s important is we continue to reinforce that knowledge that they are delusions and do our best to ignore that gut feeling.

I don’t know what you feel guilty for, but if you did something wrong while seriously ill please do not blame yourself. I met many people in the hospital who were very sweet and reasonable people who just happened to get in trouble when they were sick.


My nurse cast some doubt today about whether my delusions are really delusions at all. She suggested they just might be an ‘existential’ thing, but I doubt the doctors would agree.

Your nurse needs to stay in her lane. Delusion confirming is dangerous, no matter what she personally believes. Everyone has the potential to carry possibly delusional beliefs, and as such, that’s not the only thing that makes someone schizophrenic. Schizos have severe dysfunction. Our delusions control our lives, make us dangerous to ourselves and others. We have a hard time managing our emotions. We have severe mood swings. We have vivid hallucinations, we draw illogical conclusions about those hallucinations, and we then apply everything that we observe to ourselves and our delusional worlds. You need to report this nurse to your doctor, because she needs to learn how to interact with psychotic patients.

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I’m convinced that my case is at the milder end of the spectrum, which might help explain the nurse’s ‘frankness’.

Yeah I’ve had two different “professionals” tell me they thought I didnt have psychosis and I had a “gift” and was psychic basically and talked to real ghosts and demons. It really messed me up and set me back in my recovery when it happened.

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This is a wide variety of medications, both AP’s and AD’s. Keep trying. You’ll find something that works for you. I’ve been doing good on Geodon and Seroquel. A lot of people are very pleased with the effect Geodon has on them.

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How were you before all the medication you were on, if you don’t mind me asking?

I feel like guilt is part of your illness imo, I know for me it was.

It’s okay @NotSeksoEmpirico I understand you are in distress, come on we are here for you.

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You sound so typical in your suffering. I think we here have all been through it. Here’s hoping you make your way.


Um, that’s exactly the (false) root of stigma against schizophrenics. Study after study shows that we are no more dangerous or violent than the so-called “normies”. Our rate of violence is about the same as the general population. We are actually more likely than the general population to be victims of violence.

The reason people think we are so dangerous is largely because of the reporting in the media. People don’t care or hear that I have schizophrenia and I’ve worked for the last 30 years and never been violent. What they hear mostly is the occasional story of a minority of schizophrenics who commit bizarre murders or mass shootings.

And since most people don’t care about schizophrenia unless it affects them personally (like a relative or friend or someone else they know having it) all the general population knows about it is when the media senseationilizes the rare gruesome murder by a schizophrenic who the chances are good that these schizophrenics were not on medication and they had been isolating or doing drugs or grew up with violent tendencies before they even got sick.

These stories are the ones that stick in peoples minds and shapes their perceptions of schizophrenia and that’s exactly why people fear us when we don’t want them to and perpetuates the negative treatment we get.

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Does that prove your point or mine?

‘Mine’ I guess.

There are always more people who need a psychiatric hospital bed than there are available beds. They wouldn’t keep you if it wasn’t absolutely necessary. My advice is to be grateful for the opportunity to receive treatment and to take full advantage of it. Hopefully they’ll get you into better shape sooner so you can rejoin the world at large.



The issue isn’t whether or not we are more dangerous or violent, it’s why we are dangerous or violent when we are.

It really annoys me when people act like schizophrenia never causes people to lash out, because it does. My voices almost convinced me to kill my grandpa. Do you know how shítty that makes me feel? And every time I hear someone say that schizophrenia doesn’t ever drive sufferers to violence, it feels like someone’s punching me in the gut, because what does the fact that my voices were pushing me towards these violent acts say about me if they had little to do with schizophrenia? It makes me feel like a fúcking monster. Well, I suppose everything does these days.

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