For all of you that we’re following my last post about my sexuality and relationship, I’m here to make good on my promise of an update after this week’s session.
I saw my therapist this afternoon and things went extremely well. I didn’t make any major realizations about myself or come to any final conclusion, but she helped me to see that I don’t need to be so hung up on my sexuality or relationship right now. That I can put a bandaid on that stuff temporarily so I can process the root of the problem. The trauma.
The plan is for me to open up about it next week and I plan to do so. This is a big step for me. In my 2+ years of seeing her, I’ve never really spoken about it. Just about it’s effects on my life now.
I’m nervous and I don’t know what to expect because I’m realizing now that I’ve never spoken with anyone about the details of it in All the years since.
Any advice there?
PS: Also thank you @Ninjastar for closing the previous post for me, I appreciate your kindness.
I’m not a cryer. She’s only seen me teary eyed once and that was the day my cat died… In fact, in the last 5 years I think I’ve only ever cried in front of my boyfriend. And even then, unless we were arguing, was extremely rare. I tend to do all of my crying alone.
I know I’m going to cry. I don’t know how to prepare for that. I hate to even think of it. My emotions are always in check when i go into session.
Psychiatrists have heard it all. Idon’t think you have to be afraid to talk in depth about your sexuality. Doctors are trained to listen without judging and put their own feelings side and give objective advice or feedback. I’m pretty sure she won’t reject you. Undoubtedly, depending on how long she’s been in practice, she’s had questioning clients or gay clients.
I don’t mind discussing sexuality with her now that I’ve gotten it out there. I just know I’ll need to talk about the abuse I experienced as a kid. I know she will be there for me and support me so I’m not too worried about what she will think about that. I’m more afraid of having to think about the trauma again. I’ve spent years blocking it out. So it will be difficult on my end for sure.
They tell you in AA when alcoholics don’t want to let go of certain problems and want to keep them to themselves because maybe they want to keep secrets or their shy or they think no one will understand, “A problem shared, is a problem halved.” Never mind, lol. A helluva good saying though.
You have to get it out. You need to go to that dark place, and emotionally vomit all over that office. Will it be scary? Yes. Will it be terrifying? Yes.
When you stuff your emotions they manifest in unhealthy ways.
Sounds like a great plan! I went through something similar where I realized I had to put relationships off for some time while I worked through my own stuff. You definitely won’t regret it!! Best wishes to you. Know it can be a really difficult and lengthy ordeal to process trauma…often you may feel like you are taking one step forward and two back…but eventually you will look back on where you started and realized you came farther than you ever thought possible. So don’t let the setbacks throw you off.
I’ve also been traumatised when I was young. I’ve been to many therapists but it never seemed to help until I realized I was tackling the wrong thing while I am sza there was a another issue going on. You are doing the right thing by opening up.
There is a site called Myptsd.com online where you can share your story if you wish. You don’t need a ptsd dx to join but it has helped me.
I found starting with the parts that bother me the least made it a little easier to talk about. Also I found talking about symptoms of the trauma helped me lead into talking about it.
For example: “I had a nightmare about my abuser doing thing A and that really effects me because it reminds me of when she did thing B…” And you just go from there.
Talking about it is hard. But I believe it’s definitely worth it.if you’re ever struggling or need some support I’m here for you
I love this idea. It sounds a lot like this diary site I used to use to help cope. It worked well for me. I’ll give this a try. It seems geared more towards what I need.
Did it end up working out for you in the long run? The change in direction in therapy?
I think I’ll go through my memories of it and put them in order on paper from easiest to talk about to hardest to talk about. Kind of like homework before I get to session… also a good way for me to figure out which memories will throw me into the deep end emotionally so I know where I need to tread lightly. Another great idea Noise💜
And thank you for always being there for me. You’re such a kind person.
