Scared because of an email

Does anyone else ever feel sick to their stomach after a visit with the therapist because you feel like you’ve said too much? I do.

I finally sent an email to my therapist detailing what I went through with my hallucinations and I’m incredibly nervous of what her response will be and what she’ll think. I told my story to her more in depth than I’ve told anyone before and I’m just very antsy.

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Congratulations about opening up to your doc.

It’s a very hard thing to do. It’s also hard to write out everything in detail. It was hard for me as well.

Everything I tried to deny… every thing I tried to justify or repress… all there in print by my own hand. It’s cathartic… and nerve wracking… and it’s made me physically nauseous when I started trying to open up to get to the root of my illness.

That first time is so hard. Again… congratulations on your courage.

It’s a very emotional thing to do… be kind to yourself.

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Don’t be scurred

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I don’t see a doc but sometimes after spending time on here I get butterflies in my stomach thinking maybe I might have insulted someone inadvertently.

When someone replies to something that I said I’m kinda iffy on checking it out.

Such is life.

 Yes, I get paranoid with some of the things I reveal of myself on this site mostly but only because I think my words will be misconstrued or taken out of context and used against me.  So long as no authorities come to my door to take me away, I just have to endure that kind of paranoia. I used to be very paranoid and careful with what I had to say in the past  to anyone even my own family, but the new medication called Gabapentin  for the nerve pain in my back has the unusual side affects of making the person more sociable and at times excessively talkative only because it is very affective in overriding that un-justified paranoia we feel of what we think do or say.  It is being discovered by the psych world now as well. I feel even more trusting of others than, I think, what an infant normally is, but I still maintain an appropriate degree of mistrust just to a mere cautious level for conscious sake. Paranoia can be quite crippling in that sense.

I think I get sort of paranoid it will come back to bite me in the butt as well.

Thank you for all your kind words on my past couple of posts J. Means a lot! :sunny:

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Part of any successful relationship of any sort as humans is being vulnerable.

It’s scary and it can be painful, but so are a lot of things. Driving in rush hour. Scary and unpleasant. Could easily get killed, have to trust people to obey laws or else red asphalt.

See my point? Even sleeping is part of the social contract, we are incredibly vulnerable while we sleep. Social contract theory has been around for a long time.

I tell my therapist exactly what I need to say and he knows what I think because I tell him everything.

I am open with my girlfriend, friends and family too. A healthy relationship consists of being vulnerable and okay with being vulnerable.

I know how there is an element of shame in describing psychotic symptoms. Believe me, I have dealt with that crap. It’s not my fault and I am not supposed to handle it all alone, in fact I cannot handle it all alone. True strength is knowing when to admit that you need help. I am quite knowledgeable about strength- both literally from my time as a competitive powerlifter and also from my experiences with ■■■■ that would make most people just jump off a ■■■■■■■ bridge. What have I learned? The people who don’t have the strength to admit defeat or admit that they need help are the ones who fail, they either suck at what they do or they die. Or both.

Do you want to suck at what you do and then die? Of course not, you’re far too intelligent! :smile:

I’m not being mean, I’m trying to tell you how seriously brave you were to have finally reached out for help. I myself rejected help and denied my diagnosis of psychosis NOS only to find myself all alone for months and finally attempting suicide.

You need to understand that being vulnerable is key to your success and maybe even survival.

You know me by now, I am a stereotypical tough guy…and I am telling you that really being “tough” is knowing when to tap out, cry out for help, and even knowing when to be scared, and being okay with it.

I know when to be scared. I’m okay with admitting defeat. I’m okay with asking for help. I’m also doing rather unbelievably well for someone as ■■■■■■ up as I used to be…and still am when my meds wear off.

Don’t be afraid of being vulnerable. Be afraid of what could happen if you are not vulnerable.

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This is awesome advice for me. I do take huge issue in feeling vulnerable and basically do whatever it takes to not ever have to feel that way. But if I’m going to make the best decisions for my well-being I’m going to have to accept I’ll have to feel that way from time to time…

Thanks mouse :blush:

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Glad to help. I aim to please.

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@Anna I feel that you did what felt right to you at the time.
Doctors and therapists appreciate the feedback, nothing bad will come from it.

Trust is built from being Honest - best of luck to you!

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The professionals will only help you. If they can’t do it personally they’ll probably try and set you up with someone who can.

It was the Eleanor longden talk where she said something along the lines of “it’s more about what you’ve been through.”

Who knows what little bit of info will provide major insight into to helping you.

You can at least expect a professional opinion. They shouldn’t gossip about it either.

Sounds like it was a wise move.

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To me the whole point of having p-docs and therapists is to open up to them and tell them your problems and concerns.

If you don’t do this, you are missing an opportunity and possibly wasting time and money. So good for you! It’s good practice for other relationships and you and your doc are now better informed to work together on your issues.

It’s natural to feel vulnerable in such situations. One of my therapists called them door-knob moments because they tend to come at the end of a session or between sessions.

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it is normal…i give my therapist about 9 to 10 pages of ’ sith-isms ’ every visit !!!
know someone cares :heart:
take care :alien:

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