This is an unfortunate aspect of my illness that I’d rather keep under wraps to people that know me in real life, though, depending on who they are, they might already know.
It’s usually not anything more than verbally combative when I’m stressed out, but at times I’ve come very close to physical violence. I say horrible things, mostly, to my family.
However, when in times right now, under better treatment I can be just fine. But when I’m not, I lie, cheat, act apoplectic, and manipulative.
Can anyone else relate? This is the main reason I’m not going to date anyone; no young woman should be apart of that.
This may be inappropriate for the forum. But honestly I tend to the new testament. All were nonviolent. I look up to Jesus for being totally non violent.
I get angry but rarely even verbally combative. In my head tho…im pretty toxic when im angry or when my ocd is really bad its also pretty nasty towards people.
One thing i realized about my situation is that i keep my anger in my head and rarly become hurtful outwards
About 7 years ago i threatened a doctor in the ER and she took out a restraining order against me then had me arrested. I quit abusing other people after that, even when psychotic. I learned my lesson.
Well, you realise you have a character defect(which most people have in some form or another imo), that’s a big thing just that. Knowing means you can try to change, maybe get help from someone like in therapy. Maybe there are groups for that kind of thing similar to AA.
I guess looking at your med regimen can be a idea too. But if the tendency is there maybe it needs to be worked on beyond meds.
I become extremely delusional and paranoid, so paranoid and delusional that I become defensive and protective in an aggressive way.
This really happens when I’m full blown manic (psychotic) or experiencing mixed episodes.
Yeah, that’s definitely like me, too. I’m pretty sensitive, and get hyper defensive when I’m psychotic. Sometimes it’s based on reality, but most times it’s based on paranoia.
This might be a personality disorder. Sounds exactly like some people I used to know. Maybe you need therapy for this. Good luck to you. I don’t struggle with this but I hope you can figure it out. There are good therapies out there to help. I think DBT is used a lot from what I hear.