I think I had become so violent that the best thing Ii could do for myself was avoid myself. It never occurred to me that I could develop into a kind, happy and interesting person.
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I know there were times in my own life that I was a real brat. I stopped doing that kind of thing in my early 20s, I think. It’s hard that I think I’m still not over it quite yet.
@PinCushion More antipsychotic, milder mood, less repulsion, that`s what have been working for me. I prefer not to be useful than aggressive, being aggressive we possible are not doing nothing good as well. If you feel really violent, for example try to transpose your anger into sport, just one idea I do not if it works well.
When I was young, I was a very overly sensitive, paranoid, angry person who took every little thing as a personal insult. And I took it hard. And I lashed out at everyone who even looked at me crooked. I would get into verbal and even fist fights with people, male and female. But, somehow, I always avoided the law. I thought that the whole world was against me. Literally. It was literally me against the world. I was not too good not to throw punches or things at people. Then, I became a Christian and that changed my attitude somewhat but I was still an angry person who felt that the world was against her. Then, my pdoc added a third atypical antipsychotic, Seroquel, which calmed my butt down considerably. Then, I started meditating for 15 minutes twice a day, everyday. That changed everything. All of my anger and hostility disappeared. I am now calm and cool and collected as a cucumber. I never get angry at anyone anymore, no matter the circumstances. I don’t argue anymore or raise my voice or curse, all the things I used to do. It’s really like a miracle. I highly recommend polypharmacy for sza and meditation twice daily everyday.
What do you think about when you are meditating?