I have read much about this illness and “the split mind” but I think for me it’s more of a split life or a split reality. I have one foot in lucid town and one foot in the step beyond.
I’m having a hard time fighting this one off…. I ‘m going through delusions of reference. I know my friend didn’t buy a blue car due to the power of my mind. I know that a bunch of people singing a hit song that I just heard on the radio isn’t a sign from the beyond. It’s coincidence.
Having my sis ask me about something I was thinking isn’t her reading my mind. In lucid town this is all coincidence. But in the one step beyond, I’m starting to feel not so right about this. I’ve had my sis and my brother talking me down from this lately.
No J; just because people are out and about more, and trying to make small talk doesn’t mean your life is being plagued by demigods.
No J, all the rainbow flags you’re seeing is not a sign of a science cult. The fact that many people are at a fork in the road in their life is not a sign that your controlling it with your mind.
I say this logically…
But it’s getting harder to do. I listen to my family when they say this, and I understand that. But it’s getting so much harder not to see it as a sign. I think it’s therapy time. I hate this split feeling. I hate being just lucid enough to notice myself not being lucid enough.
It makes me upset and then I panic and then my wheels fall off. So I am working on staying calm. I am working remembering that word… coincidence. I even have a small piece of smooth metal in my pocket with the word “coincidence” stamped into it. I made it ages ago. My own personal voodoo against this reoccurring condition.
But these last few days, it’s not working. I’ll keep fighting this.
Open to ideas as always…