yeap… I find symptoms even as child. I was abused at the age of 6 plus I had a father who was beatening my mother and my sister all his life… I lived in this kind of environnement… I surrendered to struggle at the age of 19… now, I am 34 years old and its been 6 months that ive stopped switching meds (I do it since 2011) and I keep my current treatment who suits me so so without so much bad side effects… but after 15 years of isolation have I my chances for recovery? can you make a guess how much time it can take? my emotions suffer, my reason suffers, my personality, my morality… I should regain all this… sometimes I am tied, I have already physical pains(like headaches cause I think too much)… do you think I can make it up to an year? or it will take longer time? yes, you see - I am desperate for a relief but its hard to have nothing anymore in this life… maybe the damages are here forever?
I feel alone… really…ive made the stupid mistake not to talk to my parents or friends that I suffer. ive should ve been treated earlier. now its hell. I really believe that I suffer more than a lot of people here. imagine 20 years of illness and its getting worse and worse…
Anna I don’t really think it’s something about time this recovery thing, more about the effort you put into it and a bit of luck. I’m hoping you get better still 
what I meant to say is it’s not something you wait for, it’s something you strive for.
I’m in the same boat as you I just started meds and docs a year ago…I wish I would have gotten help as a teen…I feel stuck now…I wish you luck…
and the meds are nothing more than a crutch I guess for you also? now I feel quite alwful, I have my terrible headache, its so acute… i realize its question of efforts when i am a bit better than now yes… ive always thougth that meds help more my schizophrenic friend. she thinks that she is god when she has an episode… i envy her for being better on her meds but maybe she struggles also… but in my point of view, meds are helping her more than to me :/…
yes @flameoftherhine, you are right… ok, ive forgived the others to not have seen my pain when i was kid because kids are different… but teen yes. they could have been helped us… but like i said- in my family, the environnement was hellish enough already… how old are you now? me, i start to get old and i am too tired to fight sometimes…
I turned 30 insane…I broke down bad hullicinating I was in the process of ripping out an eyeball and sliced my palm from thumb to pinky lotsa stitches but no damage…I had to appease the gods with blood to keep my eye…I went 29 years by myself…mostly keeping jobs…I worked until last year but now I feel hollow…the meds make me flat…
oh ok, not good like for me all this, i am sorry :/… at least, you had a job, you were more socialized…me, i only knew the university till 2005 and after this, nothing, i did nothing… efforts yes, efforts but we are humans for god sake, we need love and peace also sometimes… sometimes i think that i havent got the best friends… for the parents- wow, they are like they are…this screwed up father of mine wow!!! sorry to be hard here but now its my pain…
p.s. dont worry for the flat affect, sometimes its better than the pain. the emotions can return i think 
I wish you luck it will get better we have to hope and believe in ourselves…its just hard to do it some days…
thanks, i think ill dope myself with one klonopin now, i hate this headaches and my thinking… my doc is ok with one klonopin per day… is it too bad?
meds help, but if you’re looking for an hapiness pill you won’t find one (I mean, there are a few out there, but you get what I mean).
Life is not a sea of roses, some people spent/spend hellish lifes on this earth without ever finding out something that justified their suffering (and maybe there really wasn’t a reason, just maybe…), but we got to work with what we got, try to make the best of it. I think this humbles us.
There’s no age at which things get balanced and suffering stops, my guess is we’ll be at the mercy of uncertainty longer than we can fathom, but we can decide where to point our attention to, to a certain point, and this gives us some power to overlook the bad and focus on the good, cultivate it, feed it, make it grow.
I hope this post doesn’t leave you in worse shape, I have no clue about what suffering you’re going through, but am just trying to help with some words from the few stuff that makes sense to me.
All the best!
i have already physical pains because of my inactivity from all these years, because of the loneliness of schizophrenia… i cant handle the physical pain anymore… i think, i was a dead person for years and i am still a kind of it… but there is a little progress, the emotional pain and the physical pain is slightly decreased by the meds… but i guess, from an outside perspective, this thing of mine is not a life anymore. i live between 4 walls practically… and i am jealous of my schizophrenic friend who gets better on her meds only after 5 months on it. i have another illness, full of those kind of sins etc etc… i should learn to love myself. and its not my guilt, i lived with one ■■■■■■ up family. i couldn’t even talk calm since teen…