Things were just terrible yesterday. Couldn’t face one more minute of this torment so set up a noose. However my body just wouldn’t let me go through with it. Tried to cut just enough blood supply so I would pass out but my body said NO WAY.
Anyway the crises team came out and luckily I didn’t have to go to hospital. They just confiscated the noose and that was pretty much it.
Feeling a bit better today and SO GLAD I DIDNT GO THROUGH WITH IT. It would have destroyed my mum. I guess sometimes things are so bad that honestly they can only get better. Just takes time
Wow, that’s serious. I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you get some help.
“It’s always darkest right before the dawn”.
Sounds like a wake-up call to take some kind of action that will help you. If possible.
“Feeling a bit better today and SO GLAD I DIDNT GO THROUGH WITH IT. It would have destroyed my mum. I guess sometimes things are so bad that honestly they can only get better. Just takes time”
I’m happy to see that’s the frame of mind you’re in now. But @77nick77 is right. It’s a wakeup call for sure.
WHAT? they just confiscated the noose? that’s terrible. i mean no one Wants to be hospitalized (well almost no one) but you needed that help! do you have good insurance? that really bites my Sh*.
Anyway i have tried to throw myself off of the third story stairs once. my delusions wanted me to die. i couldn’t do it, not for them, not for me… i jumped up and down of those rickety steps though thinking if “god” really wants me to die, he will loosen a board for me.
sorry, i forgot to tell you that i am very happy you are feeling better now! keep up the good attitude. things get tough but they always get better too.
You said you get your depot every 2 weeks, but you feel that it runs out after 12 days. Is that what happened this time? Can you get pills for the other 2 days?
Good you didnt go through with it!!!!!!! I am mad as hell that the crisis team didnt take you to the ER???
Please reach out when you are feeling bad OOO
I’ve had two attempts on my life. once with an O. D. and another time playing with a pistol for a couple of hours. the O.D. was much more serious than the pistol playing but after the second attempt I realized I didn’t want to die and that God must have a plan for me. I carry a lot of shame with thinking that I almost died at my own hands. You have to find hope man. In ANYTHING. just a little bit of hope will make you feel a lot better.
Hope you feel better and hope you never will have any suicide attempt again.I had suicide thoughts before but never attempted before,it must have sucks to attempt one…
I’am pretty sure if I did this they take me to the hospital not the first time that’s happened lol. try to focus on what you really want in your life make baby steps even when we r sick we can still make progress towards what we want, continue theses thoughts and all is coming, remember to have kind and loving thoughts toward your self from there you will only grow.
I can really understand you thinking of that
I have had a bad time lately too
Was arranging to meet a new friend on a friendship website but because I’m ill I just don’t feel sociable
It’s hard to keep being positive
glad you’re still here, bro. Goddammit this disease pisses me off. Good people off’n themselves cos of this ■■■■. In many aspects I should also be dead now. I think I might have an unconcious death-wish. I fell out of a three store bulding, with ■■■■■■■ bricks all over, lnded on my back, the only place with no bricks. I think maybe I died that time but not really sure :s Almost got my skull crushed under a truck once. Life is weird, man.
I think I can count about 8 failed OD attempts that no one knows about. The first suicide attempt was when I was diagnosed at 15, and I had had enough of it already. I tried to run the car off the road The amount of pain I caused hurts because dad picked me up, and it hurts so much, that I couldve killed us both. He pulled the car over, and I wrestled with him to run, and he cried out Im not letting you do this!! It was December, and so snow and ice was still all over the ground and I was barefoot and in a swimsuit I think. I managed to free myself, unlock the doors and run into a field that was flooded with ice water. If I had been in there 3 more seconds I would have died. I was walking further and deeper into the water, oblivious and happy to see it ending, and a construction worker stopped what he was doing, and walked into the water about knee deep I think, I was by then waist deep in this ice water, and he reached out his hands–he was a larger black man, but somehow his tone was reassuring to me, “Come on now, come on back” and he guided me back, but when I heard his voice–must’ve been a miracle or God working through him, because I stopped and thought-- OK-- and I walked back to the road, and my father took me to a hospital. The hospital wasn’t his fault, it did make me worse but his love and unfaltering compassion and respect for me my mom and my brother, his unshaking conviction that I would recover–that’s what I think of, and I will never attempt suicide again.
I don’t need the reassurance from God but he does come and remind me, when I feel down. I will hear God or spirit that says 'Gabrielle don’t ever kill yourself." because there is something out there that doesn’t want me to kill myself, and I never will not for anyone’s cause.
Once I told myself that if anything ever happened to my brother I would, but I recognize that is selfish, or basically that is is not right for me to…IM happy you didn’t leave, Jimbob, and often I do hear the spirits of people local or otherwise on the verge of crisis or suicide. Lots of people have jumped from this bridge–I have heard them daring themselves to jump, or darkness, and mom has been in tears when she reads of a suicide in the paper. I would like to become some kind of advocate for those in this peril. <3
I’m always making plans to kill myself. I’ve discovered that the more my suicide is scheduled for off in the future the more firm I am in my resolve to do it. When I have a good opportunity to do it my resolve fades.
