I had a huge editorial paper on election today that I needed to translate. I didn’t know that translation was so hard! The prof gave 5 students F and C to two people. He said he’s being hard on us because it’s our first assignment, but I think I’m getting better at translating.
I finally got the translation done 30 minutes ago, and now I’m just fixing some words. I asked my dad for some help and he had a lot of criticism for me. He said I did a great job, however, but it kinda felt like he was telling me that I was a failure. I started to feel like I needed to punish myself by hitting myself on the wall because I made mistakes. I don’t know why I do this- I don’t know why I get urges to hurt myself when I make mistakes.
I always tell myself that mistakes are bad, and it’s a horrible thing to make mistakes. When you make mistakes, you must hurt yourself and hate yourself until you improve. I used to hurt myself when I got a bad grade at uni but I was able to hold myself together and not harm myself.
My mom told me that everyone makes mistakes, and that it’s ok to make mistakes because you’re learning. She said no one is good at something on their first few tries, and it may take years to perfect a skill. But I couldn’t accept her words because I felt like I should be perfect.
I’m trying not to harm myself or write hateful words on my diary about myself but I’ll be ok. I’m really excited to receive my next translation assignment. Plus, I get to read different editorial articles about all kinds of things. My prof said that he’ll mostly focus on newspaper articles and current events.
Also, I told my assistant professor of the department that I will be specializing in translation and interpretation, and not just translation. He said, “Ok, so be it.” My assistant professor called again on the next day to confirm. So everything seems to be in place in terms of concentration and I’m really grateful for my professors for being so kind, especially for my assistant professor for explaining EVERY SINGLE CONCENTRATION available in the department.
Thanks everyone for being so supportive, even in my darkest times.