I have not officially been diagnosed but it has been said there is a strong possibility that I have schizophrenia. I spent a little over 3 weeks in a psych hospital. I was first admitted on a 5150 for suicidal thoughts and was diagnosed with depression but soon after I decided to be honest about what was going on. Aside from feeling depressed and like nothing mattered I’ve been hearing voices, sometimes they are speaking to me sometimes its just like there are several people in the room with me having a conversation I can’t quite understand (usually in an empty room) I’ve also had visual hallucinations, I feel like I’m never alone because I see people out of the corner of my eye.
The worst though is the paranoia. I’m sure there are cameras hidden everywhere watching me, although my husband assures me there are no cameras in our house I don’t believe him. I feel like everybody is against me and everybody wants to lock me up.
They sent me home on risperdal and lithium. And said they can’t diagnose me after only a couple weeks but its possible especially with a family history (my father and grandmother)
I’ll be honest I haven’t been great about taking my meds. They make me sleepy. So I don’t take them as scheduled.
My hallucinations have gotten worse and my feelings of having no emotions or not caring is worse too.
Monday I have an appointment with a new psychiatrist. I’ve asked my husband to come with because frankly I don’t want to go. I don’t trust this person and I think their going to listen to what I have to say then slap me with another involuntary hold.
I want help but I’m not sure how to get past the paranoia to ask for it. I feel like I will never trust a Dr again.
Sorry this is so all over the place. I really just wanted a place to write out what’s been going on with out being judged and maybe get some feedback
Takes awhile to adjust to new medication but does help with symptoms. Seeing a therapist helps also and they both work best hand in hand Meds help reduce the symptoms and the therapy helps by giving you more skills to combat the symptoms also a solid sounding block.
I find dealing with paranoia I have to question my beliefs on them often. Things like why would someone want to do that me? What’s so important about me? Needing more proof to confirm my suspicions. Also looking at things like taking time away from what I’m being paranoia about. It’s amazing how much clarity of thought we do get by removing ourselves from some situations.
Defiantly helps with a doctor and therapist you trust and feel comfortable with so it’s worth looking around more.
Welcome here btw.
Take all the help that’s offered. You may have to spend more time in a hospital. It may be necessary. But they’re trying to help you. I know how horrible hospitals are, I’ve been hospitalized about ten times, once for 8 months. No picnic. That was 30 years ago. It all worked out in the end, I’m doing relatively OK now. It was for my own good.
If the doctor sends you to a hospital it’s not because he’s trying to punish you or scare you or do you harm. He’s trying to do what’s best for you. I hate hospitals. But even though my last hospitalization was in 1990, I live with the knowledge that I may have to go in again. The chances are slim that it will happen but it’s a possibility. I’m just trying to be realistic here. I was telling my therapist that I was deathly afraid of being hospitalized again. She soothed my fears by telling me, " OK, you go in…then you come out!
That’s pretty accurate.
I used to be so paranoid I wouldn’t talk at all. It can be debilitating. After about four years of intense paranoia I was prescribed anxiety medication. That was like a miracle drug for me. You still have the fears and the delusions that go along with the thought process but it eases the physical feeling of paranoia that feels so terrifying. I wish someone would have introduced me to it sooner but it’s worth a shot if you haven’t tried any. I don’t get as intense with paranoia anymore like I used to but I still have it and if it overwhelms me the anxiety meds put it at ease quickly. I don’t even have to use it much anymore. It won’t make you more trusting but it will make you more comfortable if the paranoia is extremely disabling.