Today was an ok day-could've been better


I woke up too late, at 1 pm. It threw off my whole schedule, which always kicks my anxiety in gear. I lazed about not wanting to start the day then I watched some of Peter Pan live with my mom and sisters.

Then I ran errands and accepted that I wanted to die. I don’t plan on killing myself or anything, but I’ve been in denial about myself wanting death for years. I’m just so tired of this world. I would never leave my family though, they need me. I’m in so much pain here though. My helper voices tried to comfort me and encourage me, pointed out the goals I wanted to accomplish and said I was stronger than I thought, etc. But it didn’t change my feelings.

Then I drove back to school in the pouring rain, and the voices were quiet so it was just me and my thoughts. When I got to school my friends and I went to our friend’s Christmas choir concert. It was very pretty, but distracting because the demons were floating around. A fat little goblin was sitting on the head of the man in front of me, staring at me as I thought about how we were separated from God because of the evil inside us. Towards the end of the concert Jesus was there floating above the choir and he didn’t say anything really, just let me know he was there. Then he put his hand on my head, and I snapped back to the concert.

Afterward we came back to the dorm and now I’m freaking out because I have so much work to catch up on.

How was your guys’ days today?? I hope good!


You hang in there, your life can get better again @Anna - as for me these med changes is putting some stress on me, but I will get used to it


Oh my life is great. It’s just very high-stress, and often too much for me to manage. I’ll push on like I always do, I just decided to be honest with myself on how I feel. Thanks for the concern though. Good luck with the meds transition!


I downgraded my Christmas activities to - more manageable. I couldn’t orchestrate the 4 or 5 things I had planned


i hope you are feeling better.
christmas darth bunny hug :rabbit:
take care dark :alien:


It’s good to know how much you can manage. I have a friend who’s still working out what she can handle and what she can’t. It’s bad to overload yourself :<


Hi @Anna I just doubled my AP med today by doctor’s permission. I feel excited to see the difference in my mind. It’s been hectic living in my head for a long time.


That’s exciting! I’m glad it’s working for you! Are the side-effects manageable too?


no side effects that I am aware of. I love prolixin (fluphenazine) I went from 10 mg a day to 20 mg seperated into 10 mg twice a day.


I have the same feelings, I’m tired of always seeming to struggle. Tired of the negative voices and thoughts, of always feeling sick. Tired of not being able to be fully self-reliant. I was very sick last night and this morning so most of my day was spent laying in bed until I couldn’t stand to be in bed any more and went out to the living room for a while. I had bad sinus pressure, and a fever of 102, but it finally broke this afternoon and is back to normal. I pretty much took it easy today, but managed to clean my kitty’s litter box and do the dishes despite occasionally feeling lightheaded and/or dizzy.


Much the same, woke up at around 2pm. Wasn’t tired last night. I looked at the clock this morning and was like 4am before I went to bed. I need to get some housework done asap today. But just plodding along today wishing I was dead. Depression sucks!