Should probably ditch the methhead buddies… they dont care about you… meth is poison no medicinal purposes. The energy you crave can be gained in less shady ways. Try gabapenton and a cup of coffee.
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A simple fact is that I have done more than survive. I have had great experiences and met cool people over the years. Yes, lots of times it is a fight for survival. But having schizophrenia is not the end of the world. Bottom line is that I have support and people try to help me and I let them.
I got clean in AA, CA, and NA.
After I had smoked crack for a year my psychiatrist strongly suggested I attend a 12-step meeting to see what it’s like and maybe get some help. It was my first meeting ever and I knew nothing about 12-step meetings. Actually, at the time, I knew very little about addiction. At the time, I really wasn’t even interested in quitting drugs. The only reason I wernt was to please my psychiatrist and because I promised I would go.
I don’t remember all of the meeting but I sat in a chair and didn’t talk to anyone. After a year of smoking I thought I had done some pretty wild stuff. I was about 27 years old. But some 18 year old kid got up to speak and that kid had done some crazy, insane stuff. My experiences on drugs paled compared to this guy. I can only remember a couple things he said like somethings about planting pipe bombs at school or doing copious amounts of drugs.
But anyway I sat through it and left and I went back to doing drugs and drinking for 2 1/2 years more. I won’t make this too long but basically I was heavy doing stupid things that affected not only me but my family, my friends and people who were trying to help me. But one day in my addiction I was at my dads house laying down watching TV. And don’t forget I had paranoid schizophrenia problems too. A commercial came on about addiction. It just caught my eye and it was talking about quitting drugs. It made a lot of sense and it gave a phone number to call.
I called that day and learned the commercial was sponsored by CA and a recording gave out a list of Cocaine Anonymous meetings in my area. I was still on the fence about wanting to quit but I knew it would be the best thing to do. So I went to a meeting. Again, I sat by myself. There was only about 8 other people there and they were laughing and talking. But in my paranoid schizophrenic thinking I thought they were all laughing at me and trying to intimidate me. So I sat there thinking angry thoughts about everybody and hardly looked at anybody.
Then the meeting ended. And about 4 people walked up to me smiling with their hand out to shake and looked me in the eye and asked my name and they were really friendly. They asked how was I feeling and dud I enjoy the meeting . I was a 100% wrong about what had been going on. But because of that friendliness, it made a lasting impression on me. And that’s how meetings usually go. I found more meetings and started going. I still barely talked and kept to myself mainly. I got a sponsor at a certain meeting. I didn’t sit near him in meetings but he was always friendly and made sure to talk to me.
Unfortunately, my mind told me didn’t like me and he was just acting. And I thought he was laughing at me too. So I was short with him and almost rude. Now thinking back I know the guy was sincere. But after the meeting i went back to using. For the next year I continued going to meetings but I still smoked crack in between meetings. Then after many, many, more absolutely miserable experiences with the addict lifestyle I had a schizophrenic relapse , partly due to my drug use. I was hospitalized 5 or 6 times in rapid succession, usually for 3 or 4 days at a time. So it was schizophrenic hell all over again. Absolute misery for the next 5 or 6 months. It was torture.
BUT…when I was inside the psyche ward they told me there was a detox next door who held AA meetings and that I could go if I wanted to. So I went to more meetings. So my life at that point was smoking crack and having various misadventures. Then at age 29 I was put in a residential temporary Crisis home for mentally ill people. I moved away from all my using friends and away from the dealers and the city where I got all my drugs. I was still drinking but not smoking crack because I didn’t know where to get any. One night in the home I went downstairs for as glass of milk or something and I discovered that there was an AA meeting going on.
No one had told me about it but I found out it it was held every Tuesday night at 8:00pm. Since I was familiar with AA I joined the meeting and liked the people and the atmosphere and I thought it was good so I started going regularly. I count that first meeting in the house as the beginning of my recovery. This was 1990. I started going and I discovered meetings were fun and enjoyable. The stories the people there told about their addiction were not only helpful but the talks were funny, entertaining and I learned a lot.
I got comfortable going and I started talking too at meetings. No one was interested in putting me down or bothering me. They were more interested in helping me and sharing their knowledge to help me. i found another two meetings on the next street and started going to those every week too. I moved into a board & care home next but i started adding meetings and eventually I was going to 5 or 6 meetings a week. I either walked or took the bus and sometimes other members would give me a lift back to my board & care home. after the meetings ended.
Anyways, now 27 years later I have been to more than a thousand meetings. I’ve talked in front of hundreds and hundreds of people. I got a sponsor and worked the steps. I got involved in service which meant business meetings representing the groups I went to. I met lots of people. I became an old-timer.
This is my story but it only scratches the surface. I have had many great experiences in AA and outside of. AA. I just want to say that I had the same obsession with drugs you have. I had the craving for drugs all the time. During my addiction I would be at a movie or a family event or a restaurant but my mind would still be on, “How am I going to get money for my next drugs?” I had the uncontrollable compulsion to do drugs for four years. You really can’t predict what your life without drugs will be like. It may be better than you think. Personally, I am pretty sure it will be better than your life now. Drugs are life-draining chemicals that add little REAL positivity to your life. I think it is worth quitting. Good luck.
But I couldn’t quit onmy own. I had to have help. THe AA members and CA members who aesuccesful inAA want to pas onto evrybody how tey gotb clean and how tey stay clean. Tere’s anold AA saying, “INorder ti keep what w got, we have to give it away”. THat’s part of how e stay cleanourselves by connecting with other addicts and especialy newcomers and sharing our experiences and knowledge about what works and what doesn’t.
THerte’s more toife tandrugs. DRugs may ghelp you escape life but after going toCA and getting clean Ihave learned how toLIVE life. YUOu’re mindset is tat the only thing to life is drugs. But tee is much much more out tere. DRugs afe not helping you. If yousto drugs you willl mostliely have morechoice inlife. All the enry you spend on scoring and using could be used to joing a suport group for schizophrenics or wlking to the park or going to a restaurant or evenmaking a friend. Stopping drtugs is not impossible.But it takes effort.But getting clean has many rewards.
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Wow, real sorry about the typos. I blew it on the spellcheck.
I have been clean and sober since 1990. I haven’t touched any drugs and I have not drank any alcohol since 1990.
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Thanks for sharing, @77nick77!
@myEGOandmyOWN This is the last two paragraphs of my above post with all spelling errors corrected.
But I couldn’t quit on my own. I had to have help. The AA members and CA members who are successful in AA want to pass onto everybody how they got clean and how they stay clean. There’s an old AA saying, “In order to keep what we got, we have to give it away”. That’s part of how we stay clean ourselves by connecting with other addicts and especially newcomers and sharing our experiences and knowledge about what works and what doesn’t.
There’s more to life than drugs. Drugs may help you escape life but after going to CA and getting clean I have learned how to LIVE life. You’re mindset is that the only thing to life is drugs. But there is much much more out there. Drugs are not helping you. If you stop drugs you will most likely have more choices in life. All the energy you spend on scoring and using could be used to join a support group for schizophrenics or walking to the park or going to a restaurant or even making a friend. Stopping drugs is not impossible.But it takes effort.But getting clean has many rewards.
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hey brother make sure u get support… or u might fail 
cheers
sorry for the late reply, i had a rough few days. and i thank you for sharing. it gives me hope someone else has made it out of the similar situations. i cant fight this on my own. im going to reach out to aa and similar groups and do a substance abuse class at my clinic. thank you nick
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