I recently moved into my own apartment, in my new home of Washington state after two decades of unstable and abusive home situations, living either under my mother’s roof in California or my father’s in Tennessee. Both experiences were horrifying and traumatic in different ways. I faced homelessness after a struggle with methamphetamine and morphine addiction. I was on the streets, fresh out of rehab and the psych ward. I moved up into the house of the mother of my partner and best friend of twelve years, in Washington state. We had plans to move out into an apartment together, but I told him I needed to do this alone for a bit. (What’s odd is I felt deeply hurt that he actually acquiesced to this, despite how sad he was. . . I need to work on that.)
I saved up some money, got a job, and moved in. But let me tell you. Holy ■■■■ is it hard. I am actually partly bitter at my partner because he actually has a safe family to stay with. I don’t have that luxury that seems like a right. I am on food stamps, public health insurance, and struggle to pay my bills. Although I am working on garnering more income, and it is totally possible for me. I’m also bitter because my partner agreed to stay because he said he could save money doing school while living at home. Of course, this is totally unreasonable of me, because it was my decision, but I can’t help what I feel. I want and have always wanted nothing more than to go to ■■■■■■■ college. I am intelligent and a great student. Anyway.
But here’s the main point of this post.
The VOICES ARE SO BAD every time I am home. Like I said, I’m alone. And it’s horrible. It’s constant hallucinations. How do I deal with this? I can’t sleep, really.
Thanks.