The last three years i have been very unstable, i have been drinking and drugging a bit too much, due to attacks of excruciating inner pain which at times brought me to short stays at the psych ward, closed, intensive unit (due to suicide ideation and one attempt).
Last time at psych ward was weeks ago. I met an excellent pdoc who convinced me to increase my dose of olanzapine and take antabus/disulfiram monitored at my rehab center. The day after I took the increased dose of olanzapine, some of the inner pain was gone, the day after again I felt close to fine and asked to be discharged.
I hope I can stick to the plan. I want a new life, a new beginning.