My family live over seas and interstate.
My parents want me to stay with him because they think I’m better since we met.
I feel rather brain damaged and apparently it’s a criminal neighbourhood with robberies and I don’t want to get raped.
If I asked the government mental health for help I would be less independent perhaps and come in to a bad sits .
My mum says they will put me in a rough neighbourhood .
I used to live in a safe neighbourhood and the home I lived in is sold now.
I am alone here except for my neigh who I can’t handle anymore.
I love 
my boyfriend and there are positives aswell.
I do have a history of having short relationships (boyfriends)
His horrid friend is here now.
The one who he cheated on me with right in front of my face(they are both male).
I do not want his friends n family in my life I think they are bad people.
He has a wart on his di## and I have been faithful so yeah there are problems in our relationship.
I have nowhere to go though and I don’t think my sacred neigh can survive traveling interstate again.
I have to stay with her.
There are so many good things in our relationship and almost two years is a record for me 
I do not know what to do but I have seen it as a peaceful loving home and I used to pray thank you for my great bf every day but did he do the same for me…
N if so where did the w### come from …
He had a Scorpio and I’m happy it died .
Sounds awful but I love the insects and hearing them so happy sing so beautifully and then go into depression?disapiintment?feeling betrayed n tricked to be fed to the Scorpio?
They come by without asking almost daily.
My boyfriend and I just bought a second hand washing machine together.
I put so much money and work and time to him and his place.
Thousands.
If I move out all those renovations and things we paid 50/50 will go to him and I think I’m ok with that but I can’t afford to move and my family tell me to stay with my man so they don’t seem to want to help me.
I’m getting a second hand country car as a gift soon I was told but I can not drive to most places with out help.
I bought Xmas gifts to his family and he did not pay anything but I’m ok with that .i like buying gifts and making gifts.
I bought him Xmas gifts for over $600 last year I think .
It was my savings.
This year it will hopefully not be half of that.
If we are still together then.
I am going to try to stop having sex with him and just be friends.
With the w### it may be a good idea.
I am worried of going psychotic if we break up because he has been a bit of a stability and taken care of me when I go psychotic.
Once he cooked me dinner and held my hand another time he told me to stop crying shut up he said cause he was in pain himself.
He said I get sick when I try to go vegan .
He will not let me go vegan in his house.
Maybe in the future.
I have no where to go and I feel so brain damaged sometimes I feel I need supported living and that I’m not coping.
If someone in my family came here they could move me and my neigh if she is strong enough to travel so far.
Otherwise I would have to stay with her.
She is old now and I adore her so.
I can not drive interstate without help.
I can not drive to the city with out help and there is no one here to help me unless I get driving lessons which I’m trying to save up for.
I usually f### up my relationships.
I had paranoia about my closest ones even thinking my grandma wanted to kill me and I was her favourite grandchild she said and despite dementia she always recognised my voice when I called her overseas.
She is dead and I have not even mourned her yet.
I even had it about my dog at one point.
My mum tried to kill me by drowning me in a bath tub and said I ruined her life and am the biggest mistake she ever made etc
She put men and sex before me always.
The stepdad I had used to say I don’t belong to their family.
My brothers from that relationship want nothing to do with me.
Their father put a pillow to my head and said he would kill me if it wasn’t for my brother .
He strangled me a few other times.
My mum never defended me.
I actually hit my mum once.
She hit me so I hit her back.
She was throwing my clothes away .
Parents should respect me aswell.
I do not agree with religions that say obey your parents.
I am not belonging to any religion.
I am not able to break up with my boyfriend now.
I love him but on top of that I can’t …
I was thinking if we kept being a couple but lived separately that that could work but I can’t move out.
I mind his dogs when he is out partying or and working.
The nature and dogs and boyfriend has good for me.
I think I have been a good girlfriend.
Being me.
Now that I’m sober and don’t smoke I have a bf that drinks and smokes.
His friend that’s here is a drink driving alcoholic n so is his father.
I pray for them
I just can not do anything right now.
My mum never wanted me to have a boyfriend unless it was Julian Assange she said she would be happy if I came home with him.
I adore my mum no matter what.
Truly.
And the other woman who raised me aswell.
My mum would not let me talk about her because I said I missed her and cried and my mum said not to ever speak of her again in such a way that I didn’t.
When I finally got to be with her again I was a disgusting child damaged and full of disgusting behaviour and words to this woman who I held so high missed so much and adored more than I could say.
I did not live my mum less because I loved this other woman who raised me.
I love my mum with all her imperfections toothey can have their charm n her temper can perhaps be funny even her scary eyes.lol
So about my boyfriend.
I can not break up with him now.
For so many reasons.
I have nowhere to go.
I love him and we are good to and for each other in many ways.
Yes we have problems and need to cut wa## off .lol
Thank you for your words.
