I feel like I need a constant high. Drugs first of all, Ive done many, far too many. I like my stimulants especially.
Im addicted to sex. When Im not having sex with my girlfriend Im watching porn.
Im addicted to power. I like having control over things and, if not, the illusion of control will do. I hate this one especially.
Finally, Im addicted to achievement. I feel like everything Ive done to get through to this point has just been me chasing the dragon of being the most successful person possible. It cheapens the fact that Im thinking of going for a PhD in nuclear engineering.
I realize all this now. My life has just been a big baseline low with spikes of joy and happiness from these four things. I dont know what to do about it
It’s just mania. Control that and you become less pleasure obsessed.
A certain amount of brain inflammation causes you to be an overacheiver (it overstimulates various faculties.) A little bit is possibly good, but too much makes you spread out in all kinds of directions and burn out in indecision.
It would make sense, I am sza after all. But it wouldnt explain the shi tty emptiness I feel all the time. I do all these things to escape that
Ill look into that brain inflammation though, that sounds interesting. Maybe I can find some studies or help my doc understand what is wrong
Quick search comes up with this:
Talks about mania and hypomania being due to that also.
I believe depression is due to neuroinflammation as well. Makes sense, since that overstimulated state overexpresses the neurotransmitters associated with happiness.
It seems the main mode of action is cytokine and protein synthesis, and that lithium and anti-epileptics show promise in treating it via regulating the immune response controlled by the brain, thereby reducing inflammation. Interesting read, even though theres no results section that I can see for me to look at the methodology, unless this is a metadata study.
Ill keep looking at studies and talk to the doc about it, I think I need a med change anyway, maybe lithium or an anti-epileptic will help
Im starting to think all this is because I wasnt raised in an environment that is conducive to building neural pathways that give natural contentment and pleasure, so I seek it in outside sources.
This podcast on addiction with a specialist does a good job of explaining it. Idk, I really dont know my own brain, I wish we knew more about the mechanisms behind all this
I’m fighting food addiction I feel your struggle
I only have cigarette addiction.
I don’t mind it but every addiction is bad
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