I think I’m only now able to accept my diagnosis.
During my 2nd or 3rd psychosis, I started listening in on conversations (delusions) telling me that each psychosis was a test, like fear factor.
Fear factor is an orchestrated game with rules made by others but I’m playing a game, with no insight
Sometimes my psychosis are so confusing…so yeah I can get a little catatonic
My prize is awareness of my thoughts. (awareness allows me to detach)
If i lose: Im paralyzed in a binding fear with thinning grey matter.