Schizophrenia.com

Thinning Grey Matter

It never appears, completely gone for me. I never watch TV even before sz but I still play video games and use the internet a lot. I am on 6mg Risperdal now, my negative symptoms were least on Abilify, I used to go to the gym and hangout with friends daily. I had full time jobs but couldn’t keep them for more than a month. Now on Risperdal I gained lots of weight bcz I dont go to the gym. I was 85lb less than now on Abilify.

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I’ve had my job for several years now. It’s the only consistent thing in my life.

I was hesitant in opting to disclose I had a “mental disability” with our HR department. Thank god I did though! I went to the hospital at least 3 time in 2019. They can’t fire you if you have a disability.

I wish I would have disclosed that info when I was in college maybe they could have helped me more.

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I stayed on my medicine and don’t have a relapse in two years.

I don’t know of any non medicinal treatment that’s statistically significant

I am currently in university, having multiple hospitalisation or needing to take off days every year due to mental illness is bad on your portfolio

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I’m not sure what portfolio you are referring to. I haven’t been hospitalized at all this year. However, the delusions are still the same. Even though on paper this looks like a good year for me it doesn’t feel like it.

Maybe I’m bias about medication because of my upbringing or maybe because of the several years that I practiced kadampa buddhism at a temple and I know how true silence feels and I appreciate the value of breath work. Until recently I never took medicine for body ailments, I breathed through them.

Looking back at the life I used to live while studying at that Buddhist temple, I now see how peculiar my life was. I didn’t watch TV, listen to the radio, I even stopped listening to music further along in my journey because I became aware of how mind altering it can be. I did those things on my own accord because I wanted to expand my meditation journey. I did those things so that I could experience more true silence.

My first corporate job was bought my another company. I was let go so I Moved closer to my family.

Bam! Now I’m scared of everything’s and there’s delusions everywhere.

Schizophrenia was soo abrupt in my life.

A year into my sickness I became steady on my meditation journey again so I heard true silence again, it probably didn’t last more than 10 seconds, but I freaked out. In that moment I started screaming that the thoughts were gone but I needed them back. I no longer had the guidance of a spiritual director since I moved were I am now and there’s no way I can guide myself….

My concluding point is long so I won’t include it now but thanks for yours and everyone’s interactions.

Im happy that college is working for you, for any of us that can make it through. the inconsistency that comes with new professors really deterred me. I also thought I needed the easy teachers because why else do you go to ratemyprofessor_com

Only after I dropped out did I realize that all my A’s came from the strict professors I was forced to take when all the other easy professors were overbooked. I made an A in a Business Law class that I took as a mini-mester with a professor that was poorly rated because “he doesn’t sway from the syllabus” while I flunked out of my second year Biology course with an “easy professor”. I kept referring him back to the syllabus when he was off on a tangent until one day he stated he takes an “intuitive approach.” It was too much for me, lol.

Lesson Learned: The Easy Road Isn’t Always Easy, LOL

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