I went for 3 days with out sleep feel euphoric and sad. Feet moving up and down in bed. Feelings of intense horniness and paranoia/grandiose thoughts. I dont know what to do anymore. My whole life is ruined and i want to commit suicide. I cant think strait anymore cant make rational choices any more listening to delusional thoughts. I thought i was going to get better by eating well all its done is give me grandiose thoughts im getting thoughts of wanting to become anorexic and lose all my body fat as i just want to be pretty. Im seriously thinking of asking for assisted suicide my brain doesnt feel right and im scared of what ill become im scared ill hurt myself or others. I dont want to feel like this anymore. I feel terrified and happy at the same time. Ive gone totally bonkers. They have all destroyed me. Made me ill given me so many ailments. All i wanted was love and all i got was â– â– â– â– in return i have nerver been loved. And will likely never will be due to the fact that im going to get fat on these antipsychotics. I desperately wanted my own family my own house ect. I dont like my life at all. Why cant i just end it. I want my life to be over. I want to be gone and free from the â– â– â– â– that life has to offer me. Im going to be alone forever penniless because i wont be able to keep a job. Ugly and fat because of the antipsychotics. I was always ugly but i really thought that i could have maintained my weight if i came off. I thought i would find love if i came off. I really just wanted my own life and now i have had my life taken from me due to this. I feel like a shell of my former self. I really want to die.
Why did you stop your meds?
Because i just wanted a normak life and thought i could cope. I thought i was going to get better and that i wasnt schizophrenic. Boy i was wrong
Do you have a local crisis line you can call for advice?
Well tell your Dr to get you back on meds. Also even if you succeed in stopping meds, you might not be the same as before sz, sz itself causes negative and cognitive symptoms. Studies say 73% of szics experience these before being put on meds, during prodormal sz.
Thing is a part of me stil thinks i will get better. Im going to try and get hold of them tomorrow. I miss my old life.
I never did though well i dont think i recognized it
It sounds like you are in crisis and need some help coping with your current life. Step one is to get stabilized. I’m worried for you and hope you’ll call the help line sooner.
I dont know what else to do truly. Im scared all i wanted was a normal life.i thought i was going to get it but its never going to happen now is it?
I am sorry your having a hard time. Please try a help line. Try not to think about the things that aren’t perfect in your life and try and see the good. You seen to be stuck on the thought that a normal life is some form of standard way of living. I can tell you it’s not. A lot of people here would love to be married like me. But I have to worry when I get sick what will happen to my poor wife. I have hurt our lives many times due to illness. so some times I wish I was single so I wouldn’t have to worry about hurting her life. I hope you get help and relief from your suffering
Feelings are not facts. Someone can sit in my kitchen and say, “I don’t feel welcome here,” when I know they are completely welcome.
When I was your age, I often felt unloved and unlovable, but that was not true. It is also not true that you are not loved.
If a person takes these meds, one does not have to get fat. Even if one gets fat, they can still be loved. WTF?
Sounds as if you have a mental illness. People with mental illness get treated with medicines to help them.
Probably, you could make it easier on yourself if you would accept help.
I know how awful it can be . . .
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