Things are not going better

I’ve talked with my family and discussed the possibility of hospitalisation. I have weird thoughts, complete avolition, anxiety, persecution mania and my logic is more and more fragile. I’m afraid for my baby, for not being able to cope with him at some point.

I have no idea how this came about. I have taken my pills religiously, I have taken every precaution to not have weird thoughts, I have kept my attention as high as possible every day. My beautiful little world is falling apart, and I have no idea what to do I feel like smoking, drinking, taking benzodiazepines, doing anything that would change this state of mind I have. I feel like self-mdeicating , that is.

I went to see my pdoc and she did not receive me, she postponed the discussion until Tuesday.
This forum is all I have to ease the pain while I’m waiting for my husband to come and take care of the baby instead of me. I’m nothing like the woman I used to be. DId I say that before?

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Hang in there @anon33673328 - Good thing you are on top of things, maybe you can have your meds adjusted

I think it is maybe time to consider more traditional APs? Also, hospitalization on your terms is much better than an involuntary, crisis hospitalization which takes longer to recover from.


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you must work with your pdoc to get meds that work for you…problem is you have to wait a week or so before the new med can really affect you? Good luck.

I’m sorry if you have stated how old your baby is. I don’t recall. After childbirth the body is still going through so many hormonal changes and this can probably take time to even out. Hormones for women can be very tricky. I hope it gets better for you soon.

He is 10 months old. I don’t think it’s postpatrum or something…

Postpartum depression and/or psychosis can happen anytime within the first year and possibly longer. I’m not saying you have this :smile: However your hormones could still be playing a key role and triggering symptoms.

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Thank you everyone for your support, I’ve been better lately and I’m glad I posted here, things are going better now. I was just afraid of what might happen but it’s all in the past now. I guess I’m not supposed to skip sleep. Tommorrow I’ll talk to my pdoc about what happened, but I don’t intend to switch meds. Maybe get some anti-depressants for the times when I’m not ok, but I hear they are very addictive.

Turns out all I need is friends and a support group around me. I’m a bit weary thinking that in a few years we plan to immigrate in a Nordic country. I hope it’s not going to be hard to make friends there, because I need that to go on. It took me 3 years to make friends where I am now, I shiver a bit thinking of what I’m going to do when I leave this place. But I have my hubby and you guys , and I’ll be ok, I guess…


No matter where you go, this is Internet and you are not going to leave here.
Glad that you become better now.

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