I am not feeling very good, mentally. I feel afraid again that my husband is going to leave me, that my dead family members are watching and judging me, and I’m afraid that I’m accidentally speaking my thoughts out loud… like I’ll be having conversations in my head and then get really self conscious because I’m afraid that I said everything out loud or that they heard what I was thinking. I went a while without feeling afraid of these things but I’m feeling afraid again.
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I am doing very poorly myself, but I wanted to reach out a hand of support. i hear you and you matter. I hope you start feeling better soon.
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Thank you, Shmookitty. I hope you start feeling better soon, too. 
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Ocelokitty, have you talked to anyone? Can you discuss your concerns with your pdoc? If not, what about a trusted family member or friend? Someone who is around you might be able to provide some insight as to whether or not you are speaking thoughts out loud unintentionally. At the very least, it sounds like you might need a med adjustment for paranoia. Please get help; you shouldn’t have to simply put up with this- there is bound to be help available.
Hi Happy_H. I can talk to my husband, I’m just worried I’ll upset him by me thinking he’s going to leave me. I’m just afraid I’m such a burden and that he’ll get tired of dealing with me. I will try talking to him, though, especially about the other things I’m paranoid about. My doctor is trying to put me on a new med but my pharmacy keeps saying they aren’t getting the prescription and the doctor keeps resending it. I’m just feeling hopeless and I’m also paranoid that the new med won’t help or will kill me.
I understand about the whole husband thing. I’ve been married for 16 years, and I still get worried that mine will leave me sometimes because I’m a burden and cause nothing but trouble. No joke, after harboring such thoughts, I have- on more than one occasion- burst into tears randomly and blubbered to him about how awful I was and how he wasn’t going to want to be with me anymore. He has always calmed me down and made me feel better. So you should definitely talk to your husband. I bet he will ease your fears. 
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i hope things improve for you soon
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I agree with @Happy_H that you should try talking to your husband about how you feel. I know it’s hard to open up but the odds are he’s concerned about you and wants to know how you’re doing. And keep working with your pdoc. Hope you’re able to get the new meds and hope it helps. I hope you feel better today.
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I am doing better today than yesterday. I talked to my husband and it helped ease my fears a bit. I appreciate your response.
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