Ever since I started becoming more interested in spirituality and the divine and all that, I find myself less interested in my old hobbies, like listening to music, playing video games, watching movies, or even making my own music, making my own video games, etc. I care less about doing stuff in this life because it feels so dream-like. I feel like I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to work a boring 9-5 because I’d rather just die than be unhappy. So eventually I’m going to be homeless because I can’t take a huge interest in developing anything creative, even though I’m a creative person and I dabble in things like drawing, making music, making video games, etc. I used to be a talented programmer and I still am but I just am not that interested in making video games anymore. They all get boring to me quickly.
Everything gets boring to me.
Anyone else feel like this? I just don’t care about anything. I get extremely angry when I don’t get enough sleep and then my whole day is ruined because I can’t sleep outside of my circadian rhythm time.
Life really pisses me off. I also feel like I don’t want to participate in a life where this kind of awful stuff happens, just on principle. I feel like boycotting life because it’s stupid.
When I feel like this… nothing is interesting, nothing is good, everything ticks me off… I know I’m heading for a patch of negative symptoms… depression, apathy, sick of it all… would rather live in my head.
I’m NOT saying it’s this way for you… but for me personally, negative symptoms make me want to give up on myself and then give up on life.
I hope you can talk to someone before the gray or the rust brown consumes you. I call it the wax build-up. I lost so much of my life to negative symptoms. My life passed me by while I sat in my head. I hope you don’t loose yourself to this.
Do you have any advice for what to do in this situation? I already talk to somebody once a week. He said not to freak out if I don’t feel like creating something every day. He said that’s part of the creative process. But I get worried I am heading towards a larger trend of lack of interest in participating in this life in general. So I guess I’m supposed to give it time but I’m impatient because I don’t want to be homeless.
Any other advice?
My meds got changed and I got put on Latuda which has some anti-depressant, mood stabilizing quality. Plus my Seroquel was cut way down. I was also put back in therapy and that helped me kick down the depression too. I spent more time with upbeat people and asked that any family who was going through something dark… please stay away.
My sis is a huge optimist and a happy, encouraging person so when she moved in with me, that also helped.
Besides the meds… I tried to get out more and find something interesting. Being a computer programmer, is there anyway you could take your laptop to the park or somewhere different and see getting away from the same 4 walls helps spark the creativity.
So… for me it was better meds, therapy, positive people, and new things to look at. Hope this helps… Just a vague idea.
Hi albert_j, I think that I can understand you. These are the negative symptoms from schizophrenia. In my case, when I realized the huge size and severity of this illness I felt deep sadness; I got angry and I could not accept my illness. I have had psychotherapy for 18 year so this has helped me since then. However I accept that I need a support group which I can listen them and they listen my experiences; unfortunately for me, in my country there is no this kind of groups.
I think that if you live in USA or Canada you will find more chances that me; I think that you have this advantage.
I hope that you are fine.
There is this fine line you cross when you decide not to do anything but lay under that grey, wet blanket of doom instead of trying to fight your way back into this (dumb) world and participate-even if unwillingly.
Each time you crawl under, it takes longer to get out from under it. If you allow yourself the luxury of only doing what you feel like doing, there isn’t much really out there to enjoy after awhile.
Sometime you just got to get out and do what you don’t feel like doing to prevent being stuck under the blanket.
I myself have some amotivation, I enjoy sleeping because my medications make me have vivid lucid dreams. I also participate in some escapist stuff, too much anime and manga, but I am a full time student, I make A’s and I am also a competitive powerlifter. I surprise myself at how well I function in the real world because I often find myself trying to escape it, napping in the middle of the day and sleeping for 10 hours, watching anime or reading manga all day. Three days a week I train hard in a special powerlifting gym, and four days a week I am at school. Today is my off day, I will just be working arms later on today, and I am pretty bored and amotivational feeling.
I didn’t have strong negative symptoms before meds. I was asocial, but now I genuinely feel amotivational some days. yesterday I skipped training to enjoy a nap, then was disappointed when I woke up. I went to bed at 10 and woke up at 830, and I was very disappointed to wake up from my lucid, vivid dreams.
Medications are known to mimic negative symptoms. I am a psych major concentrating in behavioral neuroscience and I know what my meds can do, and my lack of motivation and vivid dreams are due to meds. The bright side is that I am fully recovered and with enough caffeine, I can lift ridiculously heavy weights and make A’s in the classroom. I also have friends who I see on the weekends and after class.
But there is something about me that just doesnt really enjoy life that much. Sometimes I do just watch anime and nap all day, other days I go to class, go to the gym, see my friends and have a life.
Schizophrenia is complicated.
I know how you feel i feel like this every day
I deal with lack of motivation and procrastination myself. I keep saying I need a part time job, but I haven’t really done what I need to do to get one. I guess it’s easier said than done with some things.
That’s why I don’t read the bible.
I think I lack motivation because of low self esteem. I dont’ try new things because im like nobody will like me anyway or I wont enjoy it because I don’t know how to have fun or something like that.