i have a really bad image of myself. also i am in bad mood often. ill hoppe that haldol helps 
quite negative often also
That bad self image can feed on itself. You can be prone to bad moods because you see yourself in a negative light, and you can see yourself in a negative light because youāre prone to bad moods. Maybe a therapist could help you on learning to like yourself better.
crimby, i am so ā ā ā ā ā ā up that a lots of psys told that therapie wouldn help cos i am not even listening to othersā¦ quite derealisated also
I think a lot of your issues have to do with your age also, it is normal for girls your age to feel out of balance with society, especially now that you realized you have a life long illness. Try and relax, listen to some music and know that you will be able to manage it all in due time.
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yeap, i am listening to shape of my heart. i cry a lot from love for the people, quite crazy thing 
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The Bulgarian culture is principally authoritarian (see below), and there is a very significant correlation ā with very potent suggestions of causality ā between authoritarianism and sz. One can look into the whole subject of authoritarianism online to help get some enlightenment and perspective on it.
@Sarad might also be a good resource for you in particular because she has studied this matter in depth in college, and understands it from the perspective of having spent most of her life in eastern Europe.
Those who grew up in highly authoritarian families tend to show up in unusually high percentages in sz patient populations.
thank you for the info notmoses. yeap,we talked a little bit with saradā¦ i hope well talk more on this some day but now i lack a bit of my interestsā¦
for the family,i dont know,my father was really prone on education and maybe i just want to feel beautiful for somebody and lovedā¦ my mother is russian, they are quite special also but the ilness runs in my fathers family if i should listen my motherā¦
Pan-Slavic intellectualism is very often nihilistic (see below) in the manner of Kafka and Dostoyevsky. Some experts in sociology assert that the culture is conditioned, socialized, habituated and normalized to it. Positivism appears to be āunusualā among the Slavic people for understandable, historic reasons. Political upheaval is constant, and life is often very challenging in that part of the world.
really interesting notmoses but right now i have problems understanding and reading ā ā ā ā ā¦