As folk here know probably my biggest difficulty/problem is socially, I often say I am socially dysfunctional rather than mentally ill,but is using that term self stigma? Is there a thin line between something that accurately defines you and something that has you self stigmatising?
At times the phrase " social freak" springs to mind. Would it be better to say “socially challenged” or is that merely a case of same meat different gravy.
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That’s difficult. I think some self-ascriptions can work to some extent as self-fulfilling prophecies, and these notions may be examples of that. Maybe, sometimes the relevant question is not really whether an expression is accurate/true, but whether it is useful to us. It seems to me that it doesn’t hurt to be optimistic here. Of course, one can exaggerate, but it’s not like you are considering to apply the notion of a social butterfly to yourself.
Confidence is a weird thing, but I think it would help to loosen up a bit the urge to be precisely accurate. An athlete, just about to perform in a match, may say to himself such things as ‘I can do it, I am the best’ and what not. It seems accuracy is not the most relevant function of such words, he is boosting his confidence with them, rather than trying to refer to the current rankings.
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I spent a lot of time trying to build social skills, both alone and in an outpatient treatment center. Basically, I tried not stigmatizing myself and feeling pretty good about my social skills, only to be knocked down again by people who were normal and could sniff out my non-normalness. Even if one day I woke up with no self-stigma, I think society would be there to remind me of my lack of worth compared to normals. They just clam up, shut us out, and make faces at us.
Things I do that look weird to normals (from a webcam video I made of myself just talking about a topic, then later scrutinized for weird body language quirks that others in interivews on youtube do not do):
hunch over a lot
wrap my arms around myself in a “hug” while talking
Dart my eyes a lot
crack my neck way too often
turn my head to every little noise
avoid eye contact OR stare into their eyes for prolonged periods of time without blinking
sit with my head tilted to the side for a long time
space out while looking at nothing
Then again, no matter how hard I try, I think normals do a kind of social apartheid on us, in a way. There was a study that showed sz were quickly shut out of conversations after like a sentence when placed in a room with unsuspecting normals and told to interact. The sz were told to go out and converse, but they got shut out of the conversation regardless of their efforts. I don’t think it’s mainly self-stigma, it’s mostly social prejudice against sz.
EDIT: article link
http://www.schizophrenic.com/articles/schizophrenia/schizophrenics-have-30-seconds-make-impression-study-finds
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The trouble is if you have social difficulties and a psychiatric diagnosis but not an ASD diagnosis, or similar one, then help for it is thin to non existent.
Pdocs might acknowledge you have a problem in that area but it’s an acknowledgement that’s not backed up with help and support. You are just unfortunate and it is something you need to get used to living with is their thinking.
The trouble is it reinforces the social disconnect/isolation that is not good for mental health.
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self-stigma is when your condition makes you feel lowered self-esteem and self-efficacy…ie. how you do what you do and how you are with doing new things…it ruins people. Internalized shame. Punishing oneself for something that they arent to blame for.
you find your own label. I say I have [what I want people to know].
You should choose your identity if they didnt make it clear, the docs. Just say something like you have social anxiety. Whatever makes you feel like you are still a human being.
I avoid the disease (some say “identity”) first language. It is damning in my opinion. for example, “schizophrenic young man” is like well he is controlled by schizophrenia.
Young man who has schizophrenia.
that implies that he has it in a neck-break, and even if it rolls, he can still break it’s neck. That is something they won’t teach you in sport fighting. Honestly I thought it was dumb that they teach civilians that stuff.
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My thoughts on the matter are that you’re the best person to decide what to call to what you feel most of the times, something you’re comfortable with and that doesn’t make you feel worse about it, some phrasing of your predicament you can live with. You may at first find it an euphemism and that you are fooling yourself, but really, words are just there so that we can communicate, they’re not real representations of anything, you can tweak them and stuff, so it’s also a matter of stylization and creating what you feel is the most accurate and comfortable way to describe how you feel.
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We just say “he’s a loner” in the USA.
I guess “loner” describes me quite well. Even as a child I was very much into solitary activities. For many children games, ie sports, whether in or out of school, are a major factor for peer group bonding. If you are bad at sports you are more likely to be unfavourably judged by your peers. I was bad at sports and thus was often not included in informal games unless there was no alternative readily available. That coupled with a difficulty in knowing how to interact with others left me out on the margins.
Then when I got to public school at 13 the other boys picked up on my physical and social awkwardness. It was an excuse for a torrent of verbal abuse and ridicule. Even if I had known how to interact, or at least been more adept at it, I would have been marginalised.
The result of such bullying; long standing social anxiety and paranoia(it’s hard to separate the two).
I am for all intents and purposes socially isolated. I am fine with my own company most of the time bu then there are the times I feel lonely. However I am not socially skilled enough to attract company and am too paranoid/socially phobic to be proactive. The fear of rejection and ridicule(like from the bullies of yesteryear) is too strong.
well, you had me until the part about the crazy-girl fetishist. I kinda lost track of your train of thought thereabouts…
I guess all us sz have different modes to survive. I have my mimicry and, what you call, “ape” skills. It is what has kept my head above water, metaphorically speaking. Others are hermits. Others are hybrids, as you say. I think it’s a matter of survival. Whichever way we act results in (or refuse to act that results in) a counter reaction from society.
By the way, you know you’re more condensed reading than Elizabeth Bishop’s poetry. Look:
Ignore the contents of the poem and just look at the spaces and positioning of the letters. lol, just joking, have a nice evening!
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