I try to be as open as I can about my SMI,but self stigma is a hard thing to overcome. As is the feeling of worthlessness that comes with it. Topics like ‘What job do you have?’, or ‘What degree do you have/are you studying for?’, bring home to me how much of a failure I have been compared to the pre illness expectations.
Sometimes bragging is used as a self defence but it’s like sticking a cheap, and inferior,plaster on a gaping wound.
There’s this constant,underlying, feeling of not being good enough.
I don’t talk about sz to people that don’t know me very well. They don’t want to hear it!
That being said I’ve suffered from self stigma, but it has gotten better over the years. It helps to not be overweight anymore too. I hated being a fat zombie.
I’ve found that some clinicians really value lived experiences and as a result I’ve gave talks in several early psychosis conferences. They also want to hear about how I live with a physical disability and how that interacts with it. It helps them to be more knowledgeable about the illness they’re treating. I was treated with respect whenever I was giving talks, and thankfully I’ve gotten great feedback.
To be honest, I’ve found that a farmer makes better living than a person with a master’s degree. I’ve watched a video of a smart farm owner who studied to be an engineer. He abandoned a traditional job and decided he would put his degree into good use, so he went down to countryside and started farming. He makes so much money…much more than how much an average person would make.
And I’ve also heard success stories from janitors who own a cleaning business, also making lots of money.
I’ve decided to freelance translation and/or NGO cooperation because I believe I don’t have to have a “job” to succeed. Plus dealing with people is stressful, and I can manage my health needs while making a living.
In conclusion, “you must have a job/study degrees to succeed” is totally false.
I hear you. I am trying to stop comparing myself to the overachiever I was before my illness took hold in my late teens. I’m never going to get that back at age 51, but it doesn’t stop me from pining over how my life could have been so different, and obsessing over all that I’ve lost.
I wish I had answers for you, I could use them too.
That’s good. My social anxiety is far too severe though to do something like that. I’ve been asked several times to join panels, but have always turned them down.
I was the polar opposite i.e the classic underachiever. ‘2e’ long before the term was used. My school years occurring decades before any help and support for it was available.
