I’m struggling with the idea that I have a mental disability.
Now that I know I have autism—and have a better understanding of what that means—I’m beginning to contend with all the internalized stigma of having a mental disorder.
I guess my question is, if there was ever a point when you didn’t consider yourself mentally disabled and you live in a society that stigmatizes the mentally disabled, how does that make you feel about your current condition?
I didn’t experience stigma even when I worked full time and studied in university. I didn’t tell anybody I have sz other than my family and close friends. My close friends don’t mind I have sz.
I’m looking at my self in the mirror and reminds me of everything that I’m good at and then I remind my self that I’m valueable (sorry can’t spell it I don’t usually type in english)
Also I have started thinking of my situation as a spiritual crisis instead of seeing my self as mentally ill.
I’m kind, I’m respectful and I never give up. I hold these things in higher esteem than the things I’m not. I could list all the things I’m not but why reinforce negativity. If I keep telling myself I have value it counteracts my shortcomings. No one is good at everything. We all have strengths and weaknesses. As I’ve gotten older I’ve begun to learn it’s ok to have weaknesses and the one judging me the most all along was me.
You might not realize it but you’re a great guy and you have that going for yourself. There’s a lot of real pricks out there that can’t say the same thing.
Thanks @Leaf . I do try my best to be a decent human being. Sometimes I focus on all my mistakes, but that gets me nowhere. I’m trying my best to turn over a new Leaf and focus on the good in me
That’s an Even better answer because you focus on what you are (in your self) instead of what you’re good at. You don’t have to be good at any thing to be accepted of both your self and the People around you.
In my early teens everyone hated me and I hated myself too. I believed I was evil. By my late teens, I realised I was the only sane person and everyone else was evil, not me. I went from a fearful-disorganised attachment style, to a very dismissive-avoidant one.
In my mid-20’s I still had negative self thoughts that I didn’t want or need, so I adapted my defences to protect myself. I suppressed and denied anything bad people said about me. All of my evil thoughts got dissociated away so I wasn’t very aware of them. My personality split into all sorts of contradictions. It was dysfunctional but it kept me alive, until I got psychotic.
More recently, I maintain a positive image by looking after myself, meeting my needs in healthier ways, socialising as much as I can tolerate, taking personal responsibility for my actions and their consequences, and prioritising my emotions.
That’s probably been the biggest change actually: To see myself not in terms of possessions and qualities, but as an amorphous blob of emotions fluctuating from one moment to the next. I feel like I know who I am now, or at least that I am getting to know more about myself every day.
Another important change was to realise that ‘good vs bad’ are opinions, not properties.
Psychologist Jordan Peterson has been a good role model for me.