The Easiest Way to Describe SCZ

My brain thinks it is a multi brain, and the older I get, and the more that I think about it and study the world of people and things, the more I can see this as clearly as the days before scz in my younger life.

It really is a stupid, maniacal calamity of a “personalitous” species per se to see this going on in my thoughts and such while analyzing them as I lay down some times in solitude.

It is even necessary to lay down in solitude in order to analyze this menagerie taking place as this organ of the “personalitous” species misconstrues what is real and what is not mangling and manipulating itself perpetually one action causing the other as if there were a social and cultural evolution going on with one personality reacting to the other unendingly like a perpetual motion machine set in motion decades ago by my own beliefs and will power through practice.

Forgetting it is confined within the quarantine of this “personalitious” organ is as deadly as falling asleep at the wheel on a highway for both the scz and the others participating on the highway. That is not to say that an scz cannot drive well, but socially an scz’s inner cosmos where the menagerie’s theatrics are taking place then affect how other real people are seen. This phantasmal orchestration of inner social “culture” set in perpetuity unending for significant share of the ages doesn’t accurately portray other people’s personalities, so while the scz can be very skilled at many things the hardest of all to do is to be skilled or even plain at the social interaction even if only for a brief moment. So most people not understanding this kind of inability to assess the common value assessments of others per their individual and collective personalities will essentially wall the scz off socially, so that it becomes as though the scz is living in this perpetual menagerie of the whole cosmos involving the entirety of reality itself from behind a layer of bricks stacked their by other people that cannot understand why this person cannot understand others. The world comes and goes by the scz living in that cosmic theater of “personalitous culture” within a brain that has misconstrued the facts making believe it is multiple brains, and it’s all very much like living in the wall of a hallway bricked in their by civilization.

_This is called Newtons Cradle. It uses gravity and magnets. When the ball on the outer edge is lifted into the air, it’s let go to fall into the other balls. The force the causes the ball on the opposite side to jut out. Gravity pulls it back, and the impact repeats the process again and again in perpetuity. Scz behaves in a similar fashion where one personality triggers another and another unending. Any sensation, awareness, feeling, thought whatsoever can trigger the resulting “swing back” from these “multi personalitious animations” within, thus causing more of the perpetual motion of inner scz “personality mechanics.” _

The single most important thing for the scz to relearn in life is “HOW” everyone else is not of a personalitous species in the belief it is a multi brained organ. This is absolutely paramount, and nothing else can have a higher priority during the life of an scz because this single value assessment of what is really going on about everyone else and the scz’s own self there about the brain is the only thing different between the scz’s personalitous brain and the rest of civilization’s brains.

I remember that during the climax years of my scz there was no way to even grasp the fallacy of this multi brained paradigmatic delusion. It was hot, fast, and hard during those years, and to be honest I was of the belief that the whole world was basically just one big connected brain with spirits and all. There are movies about fantasies as phantasmal as this was, but this was really to live the fantasy world.

I was completely without knowing how others thought. I didn’t know how I had gotten this way. I could not even recall myself as I were mentally during the days before I had become scz gradually over 3 years of make believe and cult like practices which deviate far from the orthodoxy of spiritual religion. I remember distinctly now I was making my own inner dialogue with figments of my imagination to escape the loneliness and the failures without purpose in my life. To be “multi brained” was a path out, an escape, and possibly a route to a magic paradise of some kind that was unknown. I was young, and therefore I was still new to this world and new to my brain’s effects and abilities, so being so naive I had doubled my mind over to become “more than one” the way you would fold a piece of paper many times, ignoring the creases, and calling it a book.

See image below.

I tricked myself until it was doing it all on its own. It was a language that I taught myself the way you might learn a sport, a musical instrument, math, a foreign language, or how to drive; the way a baby learns to use arms and legs. I had reassigned my feelings, senses, thoughts, and instincts to become messages and signals from “the other personalities” that I pretended to be in communication with. I remember falling into this cult like behavior with myself and even going to the point I was reading all of the signs and patterns in the physical world around me day and night as though there were messages from the universe communicating with me. I could not have fooled myself more.

I was in my own esoteric cult religion of sorts for about 3 years gradually more and more. The more I practiced it, the more I failed in my social and work life, therefore the more I held onto it for the answers, the solution, the excuses for all of my failures. In other words the more I was disappointed by my “real life” the more fantastically consumed by this “multi brain ceremony” and theory I became as the solution to the problems I was having in real life.

I was in a new city far from anyone I ever knew, and I was a total green horn about what to do with my life like keep a steady job, learn how to make more and more money, look hard for the right kind of lady to marry, and build up a family and reputation in the community. That stuff seemed unreal to me, but the fake stuff was beyond real. It was the meaning of reality and myself in entirety for infinity or something.

I remember after I figured out that I had scz like many people, I began to work on reversing it simply by learning what was real and what was not. My number one goal in life was to work as hard as I could to interact with the world while developing my virtues, so that I could get in close to people, and learn how they thought. I had no idea how they thought, and I had to figure that out because I knew that my brain how somehow built a world view that was not real as “my ship blew off course” in life while everyone else’s hadn’t.

These were scary, scary days. PTSD is clearly a result of these kinds of days not a fundamental component of scz.

I remember that at times I could try hard to be as fully mindful as possible glimpsing for a single second at a time that I was a single brain personality not this multi brained make believe my brain was beating itself up to be. And those glimpses were so good like the cool air on my skin as I exited the hot, humid inferno of a sauna. Actually scz is much harsher than that, but it was that coolness I can’t ever forget.

Now I can actually see very clearly that I’m a single brained organ not multi. I don’t quite see it this way day in and out because most of the time I’m working and so forth kind of being pulled around by voices but not nearly as maniacally as they once were. But I can however clear myself when they become to much, and I can tell I’m really running off of the road over the deep end. Then I “re-capsulize” myself or what the psychs used to call “shrink” myself back into my head. This ability is a luxury to me compared to what I’ve been through with scz.

To be honest though I don’t have the time nor concentration to go over this single brained mind over and over again. I’ve had to live on doing serious things while the idiocracy continues on in this bizarre kind of congress of my mind. If it was all that I was about, I’d never have lived, I wouldn’t have been to this point of mindfulness, and I’d have absolutely nothing but the additional misery of my seniority ahead.

Despite the scz buzzing around me in total insanity I manned onward through the rough without anyone believing I was more than an abomination. Every year I’ve looked forward to the next because my scz clears up more and more. I also become wiser and wiser since I constantly educate myself and explore, so it is a treat to find myself aware of so much more than the year before year after year.

I look forward to 10 years from now like I looked forward to this year 10 years ago. I got what I wanted after all on this day, but to be honest I never knew if I was going to make it. Scz is a tricky thing. I never knew if I was going to survive it or recover from it like I have. That is a very scary thing to not know while being in the heat of it. Very morbid and petrifying. But I just turned my mind in a productive direction, and I manned onward doing my best at everything I made with my hands, my physical improvements, and the direction of my thoughts to augment my mind as much as I could with what energy and devises I had available. No one tried hard than I. That may sound like coo coo candy from the scz delusional to some people especially in an scz forum, but just imagine it like I tell you because you’ll never know any different than what I say or not. No harm. No foul.

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The “personality” of the inner person can be folded in many ways, but it is still just one piece not many like the scz anime appears to suggest at all times of day. Mine suggests it is a multi brained book never isolated to my own thoughts within me even when no one else is near. In the beginning the trick is to ignore it is myself until it can’t be remembered, so you will never meet an scz that knew he or she could “fold” one’s own personality to become multiple prior to doing it. Psychology majors and concourses of paradigmatic dynamics cannot be folded because they know already that it is is fiction of the malleable mechanics of the personalities inner animation before they’ve begun, and therefore they cannot be fooled for even an hour let alone enough years to cause damage.

I will never read this much text.

Can you summerize your post to 3.5 sentences


Maybe only 1 or 2 people can read it. Sorry. The gist of it is in first tow sentences, and the rest goes into explanation more deeply and then I apply it to my experiences with it.

I wanted to add to the top post here this picture of a folded piece of paper. This diagram is to illustrate the way that a piece of paper can only be folded a limited number of times.


I’m using this diagram to illustrate that thought the mind is scz, and it “makes believe” that it is multi brained with other “personalities” through inter connectivity, it is really just a fold of my personality looking back unto my personality all the while it is simply “all one” not more than one like it portrays what is going on thus causing my scz impediment.

To be more accurate I can say that it is multi folds not just a pair of folds. Speaking about a pair of folds is simpler to understand though in explanation.

In any case this scz animation of the personalitous brain is a very bizarre phenomenon to have experienced for so many years.

One last addition to this thread.

When I became an athlete I learned that I could mold my brain. I was fascinated by its malleability as well as the augmentability of my body. Year after year my physic became more perfect, and my athletic abilities become more perfect.

This ever increasing mental and physical augmentation as I sought rugged athletic perfection (not modeling) taught me that if I worked hard at something, I could change what I am. I could change the definition of what I am, and that has amazed me ever since. Of course I was also doing it to change the neural networks that create the scz paradigm, and I did succeed in many respects but not 100%.

I then went into an athletic trade occupation, and then into research as a trade occupation coupled with my passion for researching, thinking, and writing. I was also know that I merely had to work with something until I could see through what I had learned, and when I could that, I could know more than what I had ever been taught or ever discovered.

This is called deduction. It means that you know lots of things, then you put them together in your mind, and then you figure something out accurately that you did not sense directly before. If you know something that you have sensed or witnessed directly, that is called induction.

So if I were to look at a contracting job, and I’ve never been a contractor, I won’t see what the experienced contractor sees. It is as though I have naked eyes, and he has colored lenses over his eyes.

This is the same in everything I ingrained myself with. I focused on working as hard and tirelessly as possible in order to “gain the lenses” that I could see through in order to know what it is that I needed to know.

I wanted to see through the lenses of experience and honing practices in order to know how to win sports games. I wanted to see through the lenses to see where risk and work was on contracting sites in order to make money with it. I wanted to see through the lenses of finance and business for the same reason as I wanted to see through the contractor’s lenses.

All in all I wanted to see through the lenses to understand people around the world in the past and now, and working diligently so many years now has helped me see through the lens into myself, and so I can see what is and isn’t scz within in me whereas before I could not which was a huge problem.for me naturally.

What I know now is that before I was full blown scz I was working hard to see through the lenses of telepathy and spiritual communication ceremony. I was practicing my own esoteric religion or cult for 3 years. I was also smoking pot those three years I am ashamed to say. I do not do drugs nor drink a drop now. I’m a organic health guy and a vegan. Even my tooth paste and soap is organic.

My conclusion about my own life is that as I was trying to see through the lenses of what we just call scz I was trying to become scz, but I didn’t know what scz or even psychology was. I thought I was doing something important and real.

I also realize how the drugs assist this behavior simply by changing the dynamics of the paradigm I was viewing the world and myself through. In other words the drugs were a colored pair of lenses as well that created an unreal vision of reality of course. That’s why anyone does drugs. It was only MJ by the way, but it was virtually every day several times a day. I fell in with the wrong crowd obviously. If it were alcohol they’d have been alcoholics, and if it were crack they’d have been crack heads. It’s MJ, so people don’t believe it is like that, but it really is, and that’s what I was for 3 years.

In fact I thought that smoking it was going to help me be better. I always had the idea that it was helping me psychologically, and eventually it would help me socially.

I really didn’t like anyone I was with at that time who were “friends.” In fact knowing what I know now about reality, myself, and that kind of people I would never be so foolish and deeply involved with them in their sit ins under smoke and pipes at various houses and in the cares on and on and on and on. It was so stupid and a complete waste.

The point I’m making is that I have learned later in life that “I make the lenses that I see through.” It’s a stoic mentality. Change the inside, and you see a new outside a completely different way.

Well that changing inside to see the outside in a new way was exactly why I was doing drugs. It was exactly why I was trying to be an scz for 3 years not knowing the meaning of what I was doing until I was scz, and I didn’t have to try. Then 3 years later I was in a world where everyone was a magical telepathic mind that could torture me with their minds, read my mind, and taunt me about everything day and night.

I had changed my inside to see a whole new outside alright. Good grief. I was in a phantasmagorical world per what I remember.

So then my journey for the next 10 years was all about learning and honing several colors of lenses until I wound up a researcher and writer growing wiser and wiser here now looking back through my new lenses at what I was, what I’ve become, and exactly what the world is.

I think this whole lens changing exhibition has been a mighty powerful experience. I got more than I bargained for, but if I had known what I was doing in the first place and what I should have been doing with my life instead, I wouldn’t have ever gone down that road to this point. Scz is so much pain when it is full blown and very lonely.

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Interesting view, as i developed sz i thought i had brought it upon myself but now i realize that it was just my brains fault

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I hope you are getting better.

i couldnt read it. sorry. my concentration is weak…

I get that a lot. I’m not the greatest reader either to be honest. I’m a much better writer. I know very good readers, but they have never written a thing all of their lives. I think it’s ironic.

Letters are basically just hieroglyphs like the picture words the ancients used to use. There are so many of them in our sentences that it takes a lot of practice to make them flow in just as fluidly as if we were listening and watching a movie.

We have to translate them no differently than we have to translate what we are seeing happen or what we are hearing, but we have been translating sight and sound all of our lives, and we’ve only been translating written letters infrequently during our lives, thus we don’t have honed reading senses.

But even an scz can learn to read very well if an scz wishes too. It may take longer than most people, but once the skill is developed, it’s better than most people’s reading skills. That’s the thing about scz’s. We only have a “broken personality,” and because of that we must work very hard to develop other skills and virtues. When we finally get busy, roll up our sleeves, and seriously develop those skills and virtues, we wind up better at them than the common person is at them. Common people are mostly focused on their personality skills, and since our personalities are basically broken, we have to focus on other skills in order to be useful to ourselves and others. It’s not a bad trade off if you ask me. I would rather have 5 or 10 virtues rather than just 1 which is the personality.


One trick you might try using in the future is to record yourself reading what you want to learn, and then listen to what you have read. It may come to your mind easier to you since during the recording you have read it with your eyes and with your ears once, and then you hear it again with your ears, and perhaps you can read along with your recorded voice at the same time. I think that is an excellent way to learn.

We must learn.

One problem I’ve had in my scz is that I have had a hard time “retaining” what I’ve read or even heard someone say for more than a second. I call it a “white out” like in the winters when there so much snow blowing that you can’t see anything except white. There is such a thing as snow blindness too which is a psychological condition I believe.

The only way I’ve been able to cure the “white out” when I read and write etc is to completely relax. That is a method that is probably unique to everyone, but most of all time alone in solitude with the internet seems to be the best cure for me. Once I’m relaxed, I can retain what I read and hear very well and better than common people.

Great wall of text! OMG hahaha

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Do you read the news or books? :sunny: There’s lots of things to cover every day, and we do it from eye open to eye close at night. You’re always welcome to join the movement of readers and writers. :slight_smile:

I usually just describe it as my brain turning against me.

That’s accurate. lol

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I call it the Personality Civil War.

I call it Karma’s a bitch. It seems every time I go into psychosis everything I’ve ever done wrong in my life pops in my mind.

I see. Use an allegory for what is happening to us. The reason for allegories is because most people don’t understand the truth, and they don’t want to. Sometimes the allegories confuse people much worse than they were, and that sometimes is a tool used by people that would use us. So these days I try to stay clear of allegories, and go right for the complete understanding, although it’s never socially compatible. To be socially compatible you need to negate 90% of all facts and understanding, and even then the truth is not something that is necessary to be socially compatible. LOL I hardly ever reach for being social compatible, but instead try not to be a burden or cause of anyone’s problems. I solve problems not make them. hehe Which is a reason I hate to use allegories without explanations, or people can become quite confused even becoming mentally ill or quite burdensome to the rest of the world because they got some allegory wrong they heard someone say somewhere. Sounds like a train wreck, eh.

Tryme, you seem like you are doing okay. So then can I ask you about your scz life?

What or who are the “voices” that you manage in your scz? I use “voices” as a general term like everyone else in the scz forum not necessarily meaning just “the fake sounds of voices of people or things who are not really there.”

And what were it that you believed in before becoming scz?

I’m putting on a fresh organic coffee and soup now. Hope we’ll have a chat. :slight_smile:

I deal more with intrusive thoughts than voices.

Before becoming SZ I was actually a Mormon. Once I went into psychosis and my wife left me I drifted away. Then after about a year I recovered from the psychosis and went back to church. It was shortly after going back that the church came out with strong policies against gays. I don’t agree with their stance on gays so I resigned.

What did you believe in before SZ?

I was a Christian, but the way I was Christian would be a modern day way of it not the ancient and originally intended way of it. The understanding of God and Jesus now are very different than what those terms signified in the past. They are something more like Santy Claus in the sky when in the past they were more like Tao and the Tao’s ambassador of Zen, Buddha. Both the Buddhists and Christian empires if you will are republics intentionally teaching self worth and wisdom in allegory so as not to be hung by the “kings” of any given time in the existence of civilization anywhere in the world. Christianity is much more in Allegory than Buddhism specifically the Tao and the Zen wisdom, and therefore the effects on populations are drastically different.

That’s a whole other tome I’m digressing into. lol

Really though I became very philosophical in high school, and then I became atheist, and I start to smoke mj and drink on the weekends. Rather than focusing on my excellent grades like before, my grades began to suffer because I was more concerned about being a personality rather than objective studies.

Well, I was close with those people in boarding school, and then I went into the real world a year earlier than everyone else because I could graduate a year early. I didn’t know anyone, and to re-activate those days like I had in high school I tried to be philosophically atheist and smoke more and more pot.

Well, it’s hard to be philosophical with a bunch of losers that are always stoned out, and it’s even harder when you are not in school learning things to be philosophical about. I was naive though, so I kept trying regardless of what was missing. And without any family or real friends except loser pot addicts my life was fail so fast I could feel the air blowing by at super sonic speeds so to speak. lol I would hit rock bottom soon enough.

It was then that I began to mess around with spirituality, but again I was naive not understanding the allegories in literal terms. I hadn’t unlocked the allegories of Christianity yet in my life, so I practiced and believed these weird understandings I had literally…while being constantly inundated by pot, losers, poverty, and still no school or books or learning of any kind.

Well, it turns out there are secret movements in the world that use drugs and strange beliefs in order to make people into illogical fools that cannot rationalize well at all, thus they are easy to control. It works, but when it worked on me, I was the one doing it to me not the movement, so there’s a difference. This “movement” though I’ve learned recently ties back into why there are many of the drugs available all over the place now put there for that very purpose, but that is yet another tome I’m not going to digress into.

So there I was a loser failing socially and financially hardly even eating any more and dressing like a hippy buffoon you know lol, and I was trying to make myself scz.

I had not ever been introduced to the concepts of scz or even psychology at the time although they are fascinating phenomena.

So essentially I was practicing hocus pocus with myself which led to telepathy with the people eventually which is fake, but the lesson here is that I made my brain believe it was telepathic eventually. It’s very easy to explain how it’s done, and I should do it some time here in the forum, and I can tie it to how the “movement” for doing things like this in mass populations do it too. Some other time though.

Well, it was scz. Pain prods, emotional infernos of every kind to the extremes, voices loud and quiet, far and within me, old and young, men and women… It was a phantasmagorical state of mind I had systematically began with my weird esoteric cultish beliefs and the use of the states of mind induced by drugs among losers.

I want to say that it’s because I was smarter and more self-introspectively analytical which is why I could make myself scz.

Well, it was all a big lie. I wound up holding back onto Christianity, and I worked and climbed my way out of that dark gulch within.

It is easier to work hard to research the many faceted sides of each and everything than it is to live a whole life on a single facet of just one thing that is its lie.

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