i can’t find a reason to live.
i have lost everything.
my social circle. gone.
my love life. gone.
my family. no longer supports me.
and god?
well…i can’t find him.
i have slashed my right arm multiple times.
i have smoked my lungs out today.
and i’m on my way to IOP (intensive outpatient program)
just so they can smell the tobacco scent off me and tell on me?
my family thinks i’m tobacco free.
but they don’t understand that i am in pain.
i need relief.
if it’s not the cigar or the self-harming, might as well commit.
it’s pretty funny.
my life.
there’s no future for me.
and if there is, so what?
i’m just going to put on a fake smile and pretend everything is fine.
ha…
i guess i’m just another schizophrenic who couldn’t make it…
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You need to go to the hospital. Don’t pass go or collect $200
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Schizophrenics can make it. Just tn other directions than the norm. it takes time.
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Definitely go to outpatient if not inpatient. I admit the transition to schizophrenia was probably somewhat easier than yours because I never had much of a love life or social circle, just hopes that I’d eventually have one. When I first got diagnosed and on meds I wrote a suicide not and starting heading towards the transit system so I could find a building to jump from. I headed back because I didn’t want to do that to my family and ended up in first inpatient and then outpatient. As far as God goes I thought he would send me to hell when I died but sometimes reading the Bible would still bring me comfort. The thing is if you draw near to God He will draw near to you, even though you might not feel His presence or be able to talk to Him. I mean some people talk to Him sometimes but it isn’t a regular thing. People with schizophrenia do have a harder life but you can still get through it. I thought about suicide everyday for years after that and still sometimes. I’m not as strong as other people with schizophrenia because tmy suicidal thoughts didn’t start to lift until I started having hope that I’d have a somewhat normal life. There are people with schizophrenia that with Meds and prayers and some luck in that they have Meds that take away positive symptoms are able to hold down a job. Some still get married and have kids. It’s harder for us than people without it but still possible. I think I only have enough energy to get a job and not enough for kids but even getting a job is something you can work towards. If you try hard enough to push past the lack of motivation and the Meds stop the positive symptoms then you can still get a job. I thought my life was over when I got diagnosed but since then Which was almost 6 years ago I’ve got a drivers license volunteered for an associates degree joined an on campus club and am one year away from a bachelors. There are others that have accomplished much more after their diagnosis. Just continue to pray and take your Meds everyday and push yourself to do more
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just try your best, its all you can do, i hope you feel better soon xxx
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No. Don’t do that. Please be 100% honest with your doctors.
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@Sunshine I can relate. I lost it all too. If you don’t act now you’ll lose your sanity as well. Please take care of yourself.
Take it slow. One day at a time.
Dont do it please. Go to the hospital , get rest. There are people who care about you if your suffering. Ive even found them on this site not only in my life off the internet.
I know that it may feel uncomfortable but it’s important to tell your doctors everything @Sunshine.
Please don’t harm yourself and if you can no longer control yourself, don’t hesitate to go to the ER.
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You write beautiful prose and with such heart.
Totally endearing… the way you’ve written the OP.
I think you’re a writer, but no one has ever told you so.
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A little poem for you:
These emotions are temporary.
Don’t act in haste
your words are exemplory,
things will fall in place.
Sunshine and family,
cigarettes and relief
your god knows everything,
No matter your belief.
Hang in there sister,
your future is coming,
Only through suffering
Can you truly know peace.
Keep going sunshine. This will pass. Keep calm and know that happiness can be found again, even though it does not seem like it at the moment.
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I hope you get the needed treatment for your emotional and physical well being…please don’t harm yourself anymore…
@Sunshine
Awww man, you are such a lovely spirit, I hope you can find some happyness. you can tell by the posts you are well loved here and we want to help you get better!!!
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Hey I feel what you saying 100% but you can overcome your situation just try you ain’t ain’t got nothing to lose and if you fail try again
I’ve felt a lot of the same stuff you are feeling but I don’t self harm.
When I was in my early twenties I felt hopeless and I felt like giving up.
I thought I had no future.
I was wrong in spades.
Recovery doesn’t come overnight, it can take years. We all have suffered, but you just keep going no matter how excruciating the symptoms get. That’s just what we have to do because it gets better.
One of my favorite sayings from AA: “Don’t quit ten minutes before the miracle happens.”
Things change; circumstances and feelings change. What seems hopeless now is just temporary.
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I am no longer going to post on your threads because you post the original post and then leave everyone to dangle on whether you’re going to be o k ?
my bad.
i have been sleeping a lot lately.
i’m physically tired.
got my nurse to check the cuts on my arm.
i’ve been silent.
almost catatonic.
it hurts to live but i’m still here.
all we have is to live
why would it hurt to live
we were given birth, no choice
and in honor of our parents, we do our best
if your’e that messed up, go to the ER
I believe being without friends is the one thing ruining my life. Every day I avoid going out to try make friends. I avoid it more then anything else, wen it is what I need most. I hope in future u can find a circle of friends who treat you well