For me it started off as self medicating anxiety, depression and lack of insight. Then it turned into addiction. Although I was still medicating depression, I stopped caring about social anxiety, and I gained insight, but I was left with addiction.
When I first started drinking I would take a shot every 3 hours throughout the day, never getting drunk often at least. That was to help symptoms. But I became addicted. Now I use benzos instead and it works much better than taking shots to relieve symptoms of anxiety and depression throughout the day
I donāt really know to be honest - in a way I am, because itās the only thing that gets me through the depressive episodes. Outside of those I can take it or leave it. I was once addicted to cocaine but ever since I beat that Iāve been able to control it.
I havenāt asked you cuz youāve stayed hush but how are you doing with that? Feel free to pm if you donāt feel comfortable telling the whole board! But āwasā sounds better than āamā!
Yeah itās tough but sounds like youāre hanging in there alright. Try to limit stress. My cousin relapsed and it was cuz of stress. He thought āIām sober now! I can conquer the world!ā But it lead him to relapse. Stress is the #1 cause of relapse studies show.
Itās ok Iāve been addicted before so I know what itās like, donāt worry about scaring me well as mentioned above it might be worth trying bupripion (sp?) and having looked it up Iām going to ask my pdoc if I can try it. Iād like to talk to you more about it, as you seem to know what youāre talking about, but I canāt send pms
Hopefully getting a script for naltrexone tomorrow. Iāve been drinking my whole life a bit but the last two years itās been daily. Donāt even know who I could be without it. Going to visit my mom and I want to be clean.
Speed never worked for me but only tried it a couple of times in hs and I think I just drank slot and puked.
What does the dr say?
Have you told anyone in your life about your speed usage? I really feel for you, I used to like speed a lot in my early twenties.
Maybe talk to your psychiatrist about it. I had to fess up to my psychiatrist about my codeine addiction. He wants me to go on naltrexone for it but Iām still not sure.
@anon84763962 my family know, and a few friends. Family disapprove massively an wonāt talk to me if they know Iāve taken some. They donāt normally realise though as the big difference is in my head not my behaviour. @twinkit my pdoc doesnāt know, Iām going to tell her when I next see her though
It feels like you want help stopping it, and at the same time you react like what youāre doing is completely conscious and level headed. Given your previous cocaine addiction I would say youāre in denial about the speed addiction, because thereās always a reason to take drugs, and dealing with a depression is not a good reason because it doesnāt solve anything, just makes it worse. Then you need more and more, and that is the whole concept of being addicted. You canāt just stop, first because you donāt want to, then because itās a coping mechanism, finally turning it into an addiction.
Like all addictions, youāre bound to have people telling you to have that checked out. The harm we do to our bodies with illegal drugs isnāt comparable to the harm we do to our bodies with meds (and even if they started prescribing speed as a med for depression I wouldnāt take it again, just because of the hangover, itās just not a valid coping mechanism), youāve been through psychosis and you know meds keep us sane. Illegal drugs alter our sense of reality, even speed if taken in enough quantity.
I donāt think what youāre doing here is healthy or acceptable in any way, and I really think you should quit and talk to your pdoc in finding ways to deal with your depression.
Do you see a therapist? My coping skills for depressive bouts are really better and more tuned now, I can deal a lot better with it now. I do CBT.
Iām sz, have a mood disorder, OCD, PTSD and have a substance abuse disorder, so I know what youāre going through and have said and heard all of the excuses, doesnāt make it right for you.
I will look it up. Iād much rather go down the legal route!