I see the demon’s face regularly. Those gaping holes for eyes and it’s grinning face. Sometimes it looks angry. Or it just stares blankly. When I sleep I am shocked awake by the sensation of someone standing right beside me, walking up to me. Sometimes I think I hear them say my name, or whisper things to me. It shocks me awake as well, my heart pounding. I feel scared when I walk to the bathroom or by the closet. I don’t feel that I’m alone. I feel something is lurking behind me. I feel scared when I shower and have been showering with my back to the wall again. At night I attempt to channel God through music, but often feel I receive messages from the demon instead.
The other morning it’s voice was in my head as I awoke from a nightmare. “You can pick fear or lust.” Of course I picked lust. Who wouldn’t? Though it continued to scare me anyways, in those nightmares. I hate the ultimatums it gives me. When I finally woke up for good it crooned for me to go back to sleep. “Play with us some more.” It told me. I felt disgusted. With them, with myself. Shadows and figures dart out of view in the corner of my eye. Demanding my attention.
I wish the fear in me would quiet down. When I am in the bedroom alone it is all I seem to hear.