Hello everyone… I have not visited the website for some time now despite my ups and downs since my last visit. Today I feel really terrible, did not go to uni campus to attend the seminar, sitting here crying at home and am severely paranoid and suicidal… I have searched some websites for mental health tips but all of them are not working or involve the engagement with another person which due to my current paranoia I want to avoid. You helped me guys in the past, please tell me sth constructive this time if you can as well… Best regards to you all.
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Hey…I’m sorry your going through this… I know your paranoid but there has to be someone you trust…let them know even if its just through text … Tell em how your feeling… Do you have any hobbies or fav shows?
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Lara,
http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
These hotlines are anonymous. When I called them a couple of times, me and the person didn’t just talk about suicide, we talked about other things as well we and just chatted. The people manning these lines are friendly and empathetic and they’ve heard a lot of crazy or depressing stuff so you probably won’t shock them or turn them off if you tell them some delusions or paranoia and they are trained to listen and they are trained not to freak out about the many weird things they hear.
.Being alone while suicidal is not good.
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I’m sorry you’re not feeling well.
I want you to breath in through your nose for 5 seconds, then out through your mouth for 5 seconds. Keep doing that until you feel less paranoid. Do things that make you feel comfortable. Maybe some music?
If your feelings of suicide don’t go away soon call a crisis line. I hope you feel better soon.
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hey @flameoftherhine, thank you for your post. actually just posting that cry for help helped me a lot to get in touch with the reality… I have looked through my last holiday pics with my friends and my fiancé, worked great… I feel I am back to here and now, thank you. the worst part when I feel paranoid is this disconnection with the presence, feel like trapped in my mind. I have my fiancé, but he is at work now so did not want to worry him. my family I do not tell about my downs as they live in different country so then it would be very selfish to give them that worry… thank you again for your thoughtfull response.
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thank you @77nick77 for your kind support. I think I can manage now, since I was brave enough to write to you guys on this website. when I am writing I feel more disconnected that it is me asking for help but getting helpful acknowledgment at the same time, if that makes sense… I have huge difficulties of asking for help, as it has been dismissed most of the time in my history. I know I should not be that way, working on it very hard. thank you once again for your input. all the best!
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thank you @kindness. great technique, made me more grounded within the presence… definitely worth to remember for the future… best regards
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Glad it passed… Its a terrible feeling… I wish you luck…
Yea, you sound better already Lara. Good for you. And I don’t know where you are or what time zone you are in but I find that after a good nights sleep after a crisis, I often wake up feeling fresh and rejuvenated and better.
@77nick77 still long time to go, it’s just noon here. but definitely good night sleep will be of much use. it is really strange how quickly it can come, out of the blue, and go… when it comes it is together with the anxiety attack, difficulties with breathing, it is like looking through lenses on the reality which focus only on the distorted thoughts, no objectivity whatsoever… really, really weird state… I am glad I am back 
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I’m not sure but maybe you should have some kind of plan on hand in case this happens again. It might help if you are prepared ahead of time for crisis’s like this.
@77nick77 you are right. I have been thinking for some time now but I have never come to actually act on it. especially that I have been fairly well for a long time now, have not done any self harm for about a year already, today was the first time since the last time… when it passes it seems so unreal that I wonder if I did not imagine it or maybe if I am overdramatic… I will do it today, as the experience is still fresh in my mind… what do you put in such plan anyway? is it what my NoK is supposed to do when I go completely bonkers? 
I’m not sure. I know you said you have a hard time asking for help but it might be smart to have phone numbers of people you can call in an emergency within easy reach or to have the suicide hotline number within easy reach. Maybe it might be good to have the number to an ER and the directions to it on hand where you can get it fast. Maybe give a little thought to why this crisis happened and try to figure out how to avoid the things that triggered it in the future.
Thank you @77nick77 for the advice. I was thinking why the crisis happened and I think it’s due to anxiety re uni work. I have lots of work to do and I think it was a trigger. Before it happened I was thinking how many people I would let down if I do not manage to finish my course… I may put in my crisis plan some calming activities which helped me today, to remind me what works… because I am generally quite paranoid all the time with regards to other people, and asking for help is manageable for me only through this website so far, especially when in crisis… Thank you for the idea anyway. Wishing you all the best!
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