Hey guys for awhile now ive suffered from a lot of drug addictions and mental health issues. I don’t touch drugs or alcohol (booze rarely) now and I still smoke though. This is my first post so I hope this is a good fit for me. I’ve suffered from every kind of intrusive thought there is. I dont know whether or not people really are aware of these disturbing thoughts or if it’s just confirmation bias. For example if im in the doctors office and I have a violent or sexual thought ill notice a man cough just at the perfect time, and think oh ■■■■ he can hear what I just said, he must think im an awful psychopath/pervert (but doesn’t he know I hate these thoughts and can’t help it?). I remember when I was in a gymnasium applying for the military there was bleachers full of Police Officers and I kept having offensive thoughts about cops and I swear every goddamn cop was staring at !ME with a smug/unimpressed jugemental look on their face. This was 4 years ago and it’s not any better. I currently moved out of my apartment and now I live at home again with my mom and her boyfriend. Everytime I leave my room i feel panicked and anxious and humiliation. Even in my room I still feel like they can hear my thoughts as I type this right now but its a lot less powerful behind a door in a closed off room. Is this a legitimate psychosis or are “vibes” like a thing? I remember in high school how everyone would talk about “vibes”. I mean it would suck if I did have pscyhosis and needed meds because I really want to do military/policing, but then again if I can’t function, I won’t have any life of any sorts. I tried medication for this before and I swear It never made me feel any better. I tried resperidone, haldol, Abilify, etc. I really am concerned that it is real. I went over to my ex girlfriends the other day and was outside her apartment block having a cigarette and I just kept yelling racial slurs in my head when this black girl walked up and I wasn’t giving her any kind of look but she straight up looked offended/defensive and was clutching her phone. Then a family came by and I had this messed up violent thought and the parents looked at me all weird and did that protective sheltering of their kids thing with their arms.
You absolutely do not need to feel guilty for your thoughts being “heard”, there’s no way to read your mind without electrodes literally being put on your scalp and a trained scientist literally calibrating things to even come close to reading your mind.
You are absolutely free to think and feel whatever you want, but there are some things going on that might indicate you’re thinking about someone, for instance, if you look at someone, and they see you staring at them…they can probably put together that you may be thinking about them, or judging their appearance.
Stuff like that is totally normal, they can’t read your mind, they can only barely guess sometimes.
Mind reading isn’t science fiction, there’s physical phenomenon going on, but its purely a science thing.
You can sorta tell if someone is agitated if they’re worried etc. There are physical tells for those things, things like body language. If you aren’t paying attention to how you’re moving, or if you’re looking around rapidly, if you’re hunched over and looking at the ground when you walk, these sorts of things can tell people about your self esteem, your confidence, but that’s only because they’re associated with body language.
Deaf people can communicate purely based on facial expressions, and hand movements. We’re very smart creatures and we understand body language intuitively.
Whether you’re being racist in your head, you probably didn’t look too happy to see her, and given the likely hood of you having an unkempt appearance because hygiene is something SZ people lack, maybe you just looked shady. Drug usage especially if its heavy usually leaves behind distinct visual baggage.
Welcome to the forum. I’m glad you opened up and decided to share. It’s nice to meet you. I’ve had problems with both thought broadcasting and intrusive thoughts in the past too. Not as severe as what you’ve described but enough that I feel I understand what you are going through. For the thought broadcasting, as real as it feels, just calm yourself down and remind yourself that no one can read your mind. It’s not scientifically possible. Just keep telling yourself that.
I know you said you tried a bunch of medicine and it never made you feel better but there is a medication out there that will work for you most likely you just need to keep trying meds until you find it. I know the process of finding a med is long and hard, but when you find the right med it’s worth all the hard work because your symptoms go away with very little side effects. I would encourage you to try meds again for the thought broadcasting and intrusive thoughts.
It got so bad for me that i thought wrapping my head in EMF reduc cloth and mylar helped block it. Idk tho, after forced injections for a year now i havent really cared and people nor the tv is talking to me anymore or reacting to what i had been doing.
I didnt care much before about people reading my intrusive thoughts, but the doctor decided to put me on injections once it went on for too long.
I think caffeine does it to me. Dont know how to stop.
Something like this happens to me too… I was in the supermarket a lady was walking by and the voice yelled beast… once I called a nursing home and the voice called the operator dog
… it has called people pervert too… mostly happens when I haven’t taken meds for awhile.
Yeah I stopped drinking coffee every day… now just once a week.
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