Schizophrenia.com

Struggling tonight

Hi. I’m struggling again. I can’t seem to keep the delusions out if my head. Thinking about going to the hospital. But that will suck.

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Have you tried to meditate ? or deep breathing exercise ?

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Yes. I’m breathing. Meditation is bad for me. I want to talk. I’m so scared. All the time.

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Try not to be scared try to focus on something you like to do instead. Like listen to loud music, drawing, painting, something active… Maybe even cleaning things.

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The more things you can do till you can get of hold of your P’Doc the better .

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Do you have a P’Doc or caseworker ?

I’m watching muy favorite show with my best friend. She lives 2 hours away. So we put netflix on at the same time and talk via video chat. She knows I’m having a rough time by the groaning noises I’m making but I’m trying not to talk too much so I don’t ruin the show for her.

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Yes i see my doctors and therapists regularly and take my meds everyday

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Let her know in a simple sentence your having a bad time and really wish to talk and the movie since on nexflix can be rewatch this is important .

You might wanna let them know during office hours that your really having a ruff time… you might need counseling or more meds… depends on them and you not just them.

Yes I know the drill. I have an emergency services number and I know to tell my doc or therapist when I’m having trouble. I talked to my therapist this morning for our regular session.

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That is 100% good thing to do. Your friend if she is an awesome friend will understand if you like to talk to her in stead of watch the movie… I am pretty sure of that because she seems to care about you enough to watch a 1.5 or 2 hour netflix movie and vid chat with you during it .

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She’s a good friend. I already told her earlier that ive been struggling. She suggested the after hours number. We’ve been doing the watching shows together now for about 3 weeks. It’s fun. When I’m normal, it’s fun anyway. I’m obviously having a hard time enjoying life at the moment

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What about your life is bothering you ?

Or is it just life in general is bothersome ?

Being schizophrenic. Being sick all the time. I’m so afraid that i look and talk so normal that one day they will decide I’m not sick anymore even tho I’m very very sick. Honestly it’s a daily struggle. Just some days are better or worse than others

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They always say to me but you are talking so normal. You act so normal. You are holding it together. Yeah! Because i know if i run screaming down the street like i used to that they will lock me up again. I know if i act crazy like i feel i will lose opportunity to see my children

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This is something you should not fear, but something you should embrace. Even though I seem to talk and walk normal doesn’t mean I am normal. Alot of people sometime never even know I am seeing a shadowed hand reach out to grab them … When there is nothing really there. Or even on my bad day people will see me as an injured person with a grimacing future of self torture.

To those whom say you seem so normal…
Kindly let them know you are only what you let them see on the outside not what is deep and dark hiding in your minds eye then maybe they will understand ?

They only way you will loose that is if you dont keep getting help you need and dont take meds ectra… I know because I had kids at one point… They are bad people now… but when they where little I fought to be with them… so trust me I know…you need to keep fighting the fight for your sake as well as for your children’s sake.

That will work for people that I want them to know. And i just won’t tell others that i don’t trust

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