In the letter to the insurance companies, my psychiatrist wrote that I have bipolar and adhd to justify my being a dependent at 26. Is that wrong? Should I be a dependent when I have a job now and just need job training and motivation? Maybe I don’t want to keep taking medication for the rest of my life. Considering I was coerced into a 2 month long hospitalization where I was assaulted and then released when an investigation occurred, then diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and put on disabling anti-psychotics. I try not to go around saying they made me sick, but I question whether they exaggerated and increased a temporary breakdown to make profit off a chronic disease.
I stopped adderall two weeks ago and had no major withdrawal. I stopped Celexa after two days because it made me feel tired. I stopped Abilify a week ago. For the first few days I felt like hurting myself because of the depression. I’ve been tearing up and feeling sad randomly. I also feel more alert, creative and motivated. I’m starting to process things more quickly. I watched American Hustle last night and could actually follow the plot.
My point is I’m done. There was no trial for what happened to me.
I haven’t had hallucinations or delusions. I actually feel more rational off Abilify because I realize that a lot of my thoughts are surreal. I feel like medication encourages a plastic existence. The depression has started abating though by the end of the first week. I’ve been sleeping better and not sleeping all day like before. I am actually waking up and going to bed at reasonable times. I feel better. I feel more open to experiences, not just the thought of an emotion but the actual feeling and experience.
Is the freedom to feel again too much to ask? It’s more of the thought that I’ll either be convinced to take Abilify which I hate, or end up with more crazyness.
I don’t think I’m in denial, if I were given time to withdraw and be off Abilify we could decide whether or not this diagnosis was ever justified in the first place!
The part of me that wants to block it all out, to hide from emotions and be numb to existence–wants to keep taking medicine believe me. I just can’t live a perpetual lie anymore. I haven’t had any sense from “God” whether I should or shouldn’t, but I had a dream recently that I was talking to angels in the afterlife who discussed how I was put on such a high dose of medication, and empathized. I told them what I felt. The next day some people said that they fell asleep while talking on Abilify and asked why I was on such a high dose.
I don’t care if people here hate religion or spirituality, it is my way of life to seek inspiration from the divine. I see so many versions of madness. From dementia to doubt to fear, on a humane level it’s all curable. But to use substances to treat this made up disease is unfair. Ghandi fasted to eliminate the toxins in food. Maybe I should go on a hunger strike. This is not nutritional ! It’s just not helping me anymore. that I have to justify my reasons for not wanting to be a part of the psychiatric model is enough reason why I should leave it.
Good luck to you. I hope you are doing the right thing. I became pre psychotic two weeks ago, no chance for me to skip meds. Though I’m sick and tired of taking meds every day. I’m on 25 mg Abilify. Compared to what I hade before Abilify, I’m more alert and awake, but my memory sucks big time.
It’s hard not to resent the medications because they are debilitating. For a while they had me on 40 mg a day of Haldol. That really wiped me out. If I faced the choice of taking Haldol or living on the street I would live on the street, hands down. All the old generation “typical” anti-psychotics feel like hell when you take them. The newer “atypical” med’s are much easier to tolerate. You might find yourself taking a typical anti-psychotic one of these days. I have enough experience, and I have seen enough to know that I have to stay on my med’s.
Things are slightly different here in the UK, mainly we have the NHS and Mental Health Act!
That being said my Community Psychiatric Nurse used to go on about what he called the strong correlation between people that stop taking their meds and the need to be hospitalised USUALLY FORCIBLY!
That being said, they don’t really know or have published the long term effects/damage neuroleptics do! I also understand wanting to come off your meds as they have robbed me of my life.
I’ve forgotten what the statistics are for relapse in the first 6mo then 1 & 2 yr points, but the chance of relapse are too high for me to come off mine atm. (If someone knows them plz post).
I’d say speak to your Dr about coming off or reducing your meds and come up with a acceptable RELAPSE PLAN (in which they might want to include the option of voluntary hospitalisation), but at least re starting / titrating your meds. Rather than them trying to change them or sticking you on something more debilitating.
On a personal note I tried Abilify and if you don’t get the side effects as badly as I did It’s one of the nicer drugs to be on. Less weight gain than many others.
My physical health has taken a big hit - I cannot lose the extra weight - it seems like the meds affected my liver, but thankfully it’s bouncing back.
My hormones - prolactin and testosterone are out of Whack- my blood glucose levels have risen.
Yes I am in the process of lowering the Risperdal dose, and will continue to go lower if all goes well.
I have sexual related side effects and diminished libido thanks to Risperdal.
My therapist feels that I can manage without an antipsychotic - but it is ultimately up to my pdoc - I see her in 2 weeks.
For me lowering Risperdal or getting off of it completely is so my physical health can improve and recover.
If I am capable of functioning on 1 mg of Risperdal then by then I will make a decision to go antipsychotic free
A lot of people with untreated sz DO die - suicide, drugs, homelessness, victims of crime. They also end up in prison in huge numbers. It’s hardly a “slight decrease in the quality of life.”
Within six to 10 months following discontinuation, they write, 25% to
55% of schizophrenia patients withdrawn from their medications relapse.
These are the rough figures, although I need to do some more digging for the complete stats.
If your going to do this it’s much easier for you to have everyone on board and my favourite thing “A RELAPSE PLAN” so you can decide medications your willing to go on and also make a advanced directive at the same point.
Non compliance is a common theme and some of us have friends or ourselfs been through a phase of non compliant and ether get hospitalised with a meds change or end up on some high doses of the old injectable stuff.
I know the psychiatrists would love us to just take what they prescribe, but thats the same with most meds even antibiotics.
Are you being serious? That’s what I’m worried about. I was off Abilify for about three or for months and had no withdrawal. My aunt pressured me to take them again as a precaution. I took the full dose, and experienced the same as if I were to withdraw when coming onto Abilify. I question whether I’m capable of handling be off it after about ten years, but the depression is abating. Today I felt happier. I mean there are a lot of stressors in life. I have to pay attention to drive on the interstate, and if I keep dwelling I think I’ll just never be free of this distraction. It’s like a blind spot, schizophrenia. If I can’t manage my life better then I will succumb to laziness and depression.
I’m not trying to encourage others to come off their meds. I also worried some might find my topic intrusive.