I’ve been struggling for a while now with ongoing feelings of guilt and anxiety that I’m doing something wrong and causing harm at every turn. I feel like I could never forgive myself if someone got hurt because of my actions or lack of actions anymore. I know ive hurt some people in the past as we all have but I mean more like catastrophic type of things… And now I’m starting to feel like it’s my sole responsibility to crack some sort of secret code ive been given and can’t figure out but if I do I could prevent all future harm and solve some giant problem but I know it’s not proper thinking. I’m not special or anything. I just feel like I need to prevent people from being evil and I can’t.
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In other words you have a conscience.
And you want people to stop being evil but you’re fighting a losing battle. People are going to do what they want to do no matter if you like it or not. You can’t save the world so save yourself and keep your side of the street clean and don’t harm anybody. That’s all any of us can do. You’re feelings are completely normal.
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By the way, when my dad was in his 60’s he said that there seemed like he was on the verge of discovering some big secret plan in life. He said it was in his head kind of floating around. My dad wasn’t delusional and never spent a day in a mental hospital and lived in regular society his whole life, raising us kids and being married twice. But he thought he was going to make some huge breakthrough and the way he described it, it sounded perfectly plausible. I’m not saying that you are going to discover some secret code but that reminded me of my dad.
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Maybe the feelings are normal but the intensity frequency and themes feels very abnormal to me. My therapist said it’s OCD related
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I know OCD is a serious illness but it reminds me of when I used to live in the board & care after I had a little “slip” and I was suicidal. They put me in the board &. care home and I had to share a room with this young guy who had OCD. I knew nothing about OCD but I thought it was great that he had it because he wanted everything in the room to be just perfect and nothing could be out of its place.
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I’m like that to a degree but not in an OCD way. Everything in my house has a spot and it bothers me when it’s out of place but not to an anxiety driven fear way just an annoyance lol
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I have some of the same fears. Except I feel like by just being I’m doing harm to the world and I can solve it by taking myself out. It’s just OCD and self destructive thinking that’s possibly been conditioned into me. The reality is I have no real effect on the world.
I think in your case it could be OCD too. Just remember that millions of people dedicated their lives to solving the problems in the world and all of them together haven’t cracked it yet. Do the good you can and recognize an OCD thought/feeling when it arises …
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I get that feeling too when I’m depressed. That the world would be in less pain if I weren’t around
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It’s a really nasty feeling lol …good thing is it’s not really true 
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Hang on a minute, I didn’t hurt anybody. Hurting people is not normal, even as seen multiple times on TV. Hurting people is not normal and they are lots of people who don’t hurt others. Please understand.
None of this post is about you sorry
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I get that too. It was a huge theme in my first psychosis. Very disturbing.
. I know ive hurt some people in the past as we all have but I mean more like catastrophic type of things…
“as WE ALL HAVE” , I belong to all.
I stand by what I said
I just meant we all have emotionally harmed others. It happens all the time
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Yes, you are right. Emotional hurt us inevitable.
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