For me it’s “Passive,” by A Perfect Circle. It’s one of my favorite songs, at the very least it’s my favorite APC song, but it’s rather poignant for me due to what it makes me think of.
It makes me think of how disappointed my former self of twenty or thirty or forty years ago would be with how I turned out and how my life turned out. I realize I do very well for someone with schizoaffective disorder, but really I never would’ve imagined this life when I was young.
“Leaning over you here, cold and catatonic; I catch a brief reflection, what you could and might have been…”
“WHY CAN’T YOU TURN AND FACE ME?? YOU ■■■■■■■ DISAPPOINT ME!!!”
Not an actual APC music video, just something someone put together:
I remember listening to Dexys midnight runners during my first psychosis. The music sounded awful, twisted in my mind. I never listened to them after that I think, at least if I could help it.
I work as a bartender and we have karaoke nights. I do not like them but sometimes do sing. When I am unwell, I always love to sing Cult Of Personality. It has very powerful lyrics and makes me feel like a goddess. Alot of times the younger crowd has not heard it and that seems wrong.
See for me, when i was psychotic all music had like a special meaning to me. I would study the lyrics and it would all connect together and i would write down what the lyrics truely meant. There was a point when i thought i was communicating with someone/something by listening to certain songs and saying the lyrics in my head.
I remember when I was living in a very ghetto apartment in the inner city and I would be scared to turn the light off at night so I would put on the first disc of a Johnny Cash greatest hits CD I had. This was back when I was hearing voices and seeing things. Right before I was DX’ed.
I’ll never forget it because “Hey Porter” was the first song.
I still love his music but I have a hard time listening to that CD nowadays because of those memories.
