Something once lost will never return

DX'd - Sz/SzA
1

Firstly, thanks to the moderators and members here who keep this as a decent place to visit.

I am not going to be around for a while, as I need some space.

This thread is not asking for me to anonymise my account, but I will just lockdown my profile and sign out.

Probably won’t be returning.

There are some truly caring and respectful people here for the most part.

However. One of my red lines was that if I got to the stage where I had to ignore or mute anybody, that would signal to me that it was time to give up and leave.

This is compounded further by the way in which the software hides things, as it doesn’t completely remove them from view.

Anyway that’s not the point.

Goodbye and thanks for making my relative isolation a bit less severe these last couple of years – I am not sure how I would have coped without this site supporting me.

I hope I have been more of a positive force than negative, and the balance sheet as we reach this end is acceptable.

Thanks

13 Likes
2

Good luck with everything!

3

Hey we will miss you @Joker

4

Good luck with your journey and have some fun!

5

Good luck, but don’t be afraid to come back.

3 Likes
6

Good luck! 1515

7

Good luck with everything, if this site is doing more bad than good then its better to leave.

1 Like
8

You will be greatly missed. I hope you decide to return,but I understand wanting some space.

1 Like
9

Sad to see you go, but I wish you all the best.

10

I just hope you decide to come back. Sorry if it was me you felt the need to ignore/mute.

11

@Joker You’ll definitely be missed on the forum. I hope you feel comfortable coming back at any time and know that you’re always welcome here.

Good luck with everything. I hope you continue with your awesome landscaping business.

Remember that we’re here should you need support or should you just need a friendly place to hang out.

Take care of yourself.

12

Hey best of luck with your landscape biz man. Was good to chat with you.

cheers
Level

13

You’ll be missed!
fade to black…

14

i still hope you come back soon!! judy

15

I woke up this morning, and realised I need to be here.

The forum has been such an important thing for so long, I don’t think I can go without the interaction and support from all who’re here.

To be honest, I got a bit overwhelmed last night, and my go to response is to shut down everything.

I nearly even came off Facebook too, as I was getting so stressed.

If I was mean to anybody yesterday, I am sorry.

My only intention is to help make this a better place for others, but sometimes I don’t get it right.

It’s confusing to me at times dealing with others, and unfortunately my anti-psychotic medication is starting to not control my symptoms as well as it has done in the past, and this is very concerning as there are not many left in the UK I can choose from that have an acceptable side effect profile for me.

I am super worried, as my pdoc can take away my drivers license as they did before, and without that I have no income.

Also, I divulged some information on here about my personal history that made me incredibly uncomfortable, and the voices have been torturing me about it ever since, and it has stirred up a lot of negative emotion that I thought had been dealt with.

Overall, I hope others can understand why I sometimes choose to close the door on either my treatment providers, and on occasion, my forum/social media presence.

I can help people where possible, on the main forum, but I have some limitations at times.

This place seems to have a great level of acceptance for people, which is something I don’t get IRL.

I’d like to think there is more understanding here, as IRL, I struggle so badly with my dealings with other people. I lack fundamental understandings, and since my ASD diagnosis in May - as @firemonkey pointed out a while ago, the awareness of ASD has really brought me down massively in confidence.

The main problem is now I am conscious of my faults that come with this set of difficulties, and I get so drained so quickly these days.

Thanks for reading. I hope others can understand that I do not mean any harm to anybody else.

I want to stay, and I hope that’s ok.

15 Likes
17

ah i just read that you gonna stay =D
that’s good news.

18

I hope you find peace with your ASD diagnosis, for me that was hard too but i managed to get peace with it.

19

I am not sure I can find peace with it.

When I was growing up, schools never dealt with my behaviour - they just used to kick me out like I was just someone else’s problem to deal with. My problems started right from day one of primary school when I got sent home.

People who’re supposed to develop children into educated, and well rounded adults just could not be bothered to help and chose to just punish me into behaving properly.

Now it’s clear with this diagnosis that they mis-treated me

It’s no wonder I ended up mixing with bad people and getting into drugs.

It’s a failure of the system, but I am glad they’re starting to get better with recognising these things, but in the 90’s when I grew up, nobody thought about this kinda stuff, at all. My pdoc says it has only been the last <5 years they have begun to realise this problem and deal with it - yet treatment is still lacking

1 Like
20

yea i had similar things happen to me. They made me do kindergarten third year twice and then just send me to elementary school where i didn’t do well. My pdoc also said now they would diagnose me quickly and would send me to special school and that prob would have been better for me.
School time was hard for me. I’m glad now i don’t have to go through that anymore but i still have traumas from it.
Sorry to hear you had to go through that too =(

21

I feel exactly the same way too

It’s ok. People just didn’t know any better I don’t think, so none of it I take personally. The stuff I take personally is that I think all these druggies were more on the ball, and knew exactly how to exploit my weaknesses I didn’t even know about. That’s the sad thing about all this

I used to be highly intelligent and very good at science and maths. Now I am damaged by not only pre-longed drug use as a teen, but also the impact of SZ and anxieties etc etc

Just seems like such a waste, but I am happy doing something creative that’s outside and keeping me fit.

Much better place now. I hope you are doing better now you have some time to develop outside of a toxic schooling environment! Being an adult kicks ass!

2 Likes