I have a friend who doesn’t believe in mental illness basically, so to speak, bc she has been through hell (definitely) and is able to function well. She says she doesn’t get it, people just need to pick themselves up. And doesn’t support people not working, at all. I don’t talk to her about MI because she doesn’t get it.
Anyhow I had texted my friends 2 days ago that my mental health is challenging right now and I am adjusting to a new dose of a med and that I won’t be going to the pub with my hubby to see them for a long time. That it’s too overwhelming. (I have also been feeling very paranoid there).
So she has been checking up on me the past 2 days asking how I am doing, it surprised me. She asked me for lunch tomorrow which is fine but socializing is so much for me but I acted happy to do it.
So at end of the text conversation I said “and how are you?”
And she replied “happy, always happy”.
What do you make of that? Am I reading too much into it or was that a weird remark?
she’s not a very sympathetic person. But, we need people that challenge our status quo otherwise we’d be stagnant. Unfortunately, statistically speaking, there are more of them than us. We have to conform to others, not the opposite.
not a weird remark. i have a friend who drives nice cars. only when he drove a sports car that was too flashy did i disapprove.
My sister used to be that way. Never understood because she was always happy. Until one day she wasn’t. 🤷 Maybe your friend will understand some day. Maybe she has been depressed but was able to pull herself through and now she only remembers bits and pieces and that she was able to pull herself through so she thinks everyone should be able to.
Different people are good at different things and there can be many, often very complex, reasons for someone that has been through a lot to be distant like that.
@gene@LED
you’re right she’s not sympathetic but only toward mental illness because she has been through worse things, bad events. She is a kind person in many ways, overall accepting of others. It’s just mental health and not working thing she’s really vocal about. I dread socializing with anyone but now I have to push myself to look more normal at a time when I’m far from it. You’re right though, being with normal people pushes you to be able to act more normal I guess.
She told me that when her child died she decided not to stay in bad and to get herself up and to pull up her socks. And with other things she’s been through. She is extremely strong and functional. I just found it weird that when I said I was going through a hard time she replies to me that ‘im happy, I’m always happy’. I’m probably reading into it bc how she speaks about MI and not working. Maybe it’s just me and my own feelings of inadequacy.
It sounds to me as if she’s acting “as if” she’s happy and not actually happy. There’s a difference. And it’s great if she can pull herself up by her bootstraps, some people can and some people can’t. That’s the difference between being mentally ill and not I guess but she doesn’t need to make you feel bad because you can’t work. That’s a deficit in her character if she ever makes you feel bad. Friends elevate one another, not break one another down. Anyway that’s what I think.
You’re probably right, she’s probably more so trying to be happy than she actually is. I could see that. She doesn’t purposely make me feel bad, I don’t think so anyway, but by saying things about people with mental illness or not working strongly it just does.
Muswell Hill has to make a living. My friend works in medical advice privately advising Doctors for profit, it is a family business. Why am I saying this, because I know you also make a living privately, despite this being a not for profit. I strongly believe in Che Guevara’s work ethic of voluntary work, it makes me happy. So long as you are getting paid, there is nothing wrong with working, indeed everything we do is work, but some work is beneficial and some isn’t, why are you getting het up about this. She is an expert. Thank you.
I am not sure what you are trying to tell me exactly but I do not work, not even a charity which I think that’s what you are saying. Have a good day. @Gagis
I seriously can’t tell if you need help. And I feel garbage-like casting you aside.
I keep coming back because a protection for my mind is to be the best I can with what I have; like most people.
But did I cause trespasses in a previous life
my man? My delusion involves identifying published books out there that double as ‘love notes’ to me. There are two.
Or could this be explained by what’s known in (robotics and animation) as the ‘uncanny valley’? (a term I think most nerds already know.).
Thanks for sharing about you and your friend. Sympathy is all I can offer for the loss of a child. Eric Clapton’s song Is about the accidental loss of his child. There’s empathy there and much more from outsiders (generally speaking).
Sz is a (in my experience) practice of understanding. I don’t/ didn’t understand it, others don’t, heck I’d go so far as to say my doctor’s don’t neither. My counselor is really the only one trained to give remedy.
Please please don’t focus (fixate) on one or two utterances- look at the body of work, not something said, regardless of how off putting or hurtful it may be. No momentary grudges, keep focused on the big picture.
Met her for lunch. She sincerely asked how I was. I told her I was struggling and thought ‘what the heck’ I just went ahead and told her about my mental illness, thoroughly, and also explained why I can’t work, and all the strategies I constantly use to function, and what ways I don’t function, and how and what I fake.
She said she’s noticed those times I struggle.
She was amazing, listened, and empathized. Later that day we talked some more and it was really good. Now she knows I fake laugh and a few secrets that maybe aren’t the best things for a friend to know but now she knows how hard MI can be, and specifically for me.
Now we can just move on and live as we were but I know she understands why I can’t some things at times, like a news year party, or why I can’t work, howni get paranoid or see things and the weird way I cover it up, or why I zone out or get quiet etc, get social anxiety, and just overall what my brain is like. And much of it is out of my control.
She was very loving and supportive and I think she needed to know. but I don’t need to focus on my illness anymore. She gets it. I will just say I have anxiety or if not well when needed. But back to ‘normal’.
I feel so much relief and unconditional love. I’m glad I had the opportunity to share with her what MI can look like.
Just thought I’d give an update.
Yeah I agree with the others. There is more to what meets the eye. I don’t know her though, so I cannot say for sure.
My brother is like this. I confided in him, and one day when we had a argument. He wanted to kick me out of my mums home where he also lives because he “doesn’t want a mental person there”. One day he had an anxiety attack and I was in the back of the abulence taking him to hospital and he said sorry.
Yes it was a very good conversation. I feel much better about how she sees me and I don’t feel judges even though she was talking yesterday about people not working on disability she is not referring to me. @anon80629714
and I think she needed to know. but I don’t need to focus on my illness anymore. She gets it. I will just say I have anxiety or if not well when needed. But back to ‘normal’.