I really have dwelled enough on this topic in my mind today. I don’t want to make this a venting rant about anyone or any event in particular… but I think I need to establish some idea of what is going on with me now in order to see if anyone can relate.
So, I’m just really disappointed in people in general. People flake out all the time, people say they are going to do something and then don’t, they even get excited… no one seems to have the balls to just say “no” or “I’d like to, but can’t.” Do they not see the doucheier thing to do is leave someone hanging?
I try to explain this to my mother… and sure I was frustrated when I said it… but she just said “give them a free pass on this one, they are probably going through something.” When it’s been this way for years.
This uhh tendency in people to just be complacent and self-centered and inconsiderate of others expectations and desires… it ranges from being innocent and correct to pursue one’s own happiness… then in the middle somewhere the semi-okay thing to value one’s happiness over another’s… and then straight up disrespect of two facing someone and even being condescending to their complaints.
With this illness especially it is tough for me to enjoy simple social exchanges. I don’t do well in groups… and really I can’t handle the cliched unintelligence of it all. It no one tries or cares about anything at all. Negligence… and I can’t shake it permanently yet. My frustration with this reality comes back and I wind up ticked and ranting in my mind… it leaves me feeling like a piece of ■■■■.
Anyone else relate to this? I’m trying to tell myself to drop the expectations I hold for other people (even though they ain’t that high)… and just value that they are happy and I should be happy for them… set my boundaries up so I’m not overtly exposed to anyone I get burnt out on quickly… but it’s not a perfect system and it’s inevitable that I’ll wind up upset…
Please if you all have any pointers… I don’t want to wind up feeling this way all the time without a way out.
Reading your posts over time though, social stuff seems to be an ongoing problem or issue for you. Can be complicated indeed, especially when we end up thinking about it much, maybe fuelled by strong moods or emotions. What I mean with that ongoing issue though, is that I can tell from your posts that yes, at times you have lot difficulties with the people, but it doesn’t appear like that all the time. Not too long ago I think you were in a positive mood and told about how you met some folks you could really relate to and things seemed to be going alright in this department.
So one thing we may have problems with is letting go of things in our mind, I don’t mean so much saying goodbye to these people, quite the contrary, but running over some thing that annoyed/hurt you over and over again. Personally I don’t have this too much with social issues, but at times have it quite severely with intrusive thoughts. It is okay to stop and reflect on things that matter, but we can get caught up in it. And it is not all that harmless. For doing so can kind of magnify the feeling or thought. Do I feel this way because I think about it all the time, or is it the other way around? I think both. Put this way I did have such experiences in social domain, not so much in the form of frustration or resentment, but more in the anxiety/shame/guilt part of town. I would notice some nervousness, think ‘■■■■ I’m nervous’, what if this and that goes wrong, feel nervous some more, etc. etc. the loop goes on until I near-out of body witness myself speaking thinking this isn’t even language that comes out of my mouth, and stop talking/black out.
Ok that’s a whole different area, but it’s those feedback loops of feelings and reflection/focusing on selective thoughts that spin ouf control that it’s about. Maybe it helps to try and take step back from the events currently occupying your mind, and take a wider perspective, including some times you were grateful for people. Or including not even people at all. What about that positive post I referenced? Wasn’t that genuine as well?
Maybe it sounds like I’m putting it all at your side of the equation… Though I think that, as a rule of thumb, for us SZ’s that’s not all too bad a side to start with handling the things that trouble us, I don’t think it’s that clear cut here. I just sometimes get the feeling you want to burn your bridges and leave everything behind, and sometimes I get the feeling you don’t want that. Doing so is kinda irreversible, and I for one would have much difficulties building up a whole new life from scratch. Maybe better to transition gradually.
Human nature is what it is. If you dwell on it too much it can take you to some uncomfortable, scary places in your head. My strategy has always been to minimize my wants so that I don’t have to negotiate my wants and needs with other people. For me, it’s not a bad way to live.
I would hate to over-shadow the good friends I have made and I probably should have given them mention… but really I feel like it just winds up turning me into “one of them.” Not in regards to my good friends, but trying to hang out with everyone else or even meet people just wears me out until I feel like being a flake out of spite, like minnii said, or just never reaching out.
@crimby you’re said right. Thank you. Human nature is human nature. To quote Carl Sagan in addition “… [it’s as if there is only one way to live] as if there is only one human nature.” I really do try to be a good person and a good kind friend to most people I interact with and that’s the scary part. In doing so I wind up frustrated and dickish inside.
Thanks for your responses guys. I’m taking a small vacation this weekend. Hopefully it’ll clear my head up regarding all the stuff in my town I’m tired of.
I’m sure a lot of these folks are going to grow up into decent individuals… most of them are younger than me, but I’ve been waiting on that my whole life.
I like this one @plumber… thank you. It is that “tree of life I seek” to be surrounded by people who behave like they actually care so that I might be able to actually care as well…
You’ve never met my mother.
If you tell my mom you’re going to come over to her house around, say, 11AM, and you don’t show up
or call to say your dead or something plausible,
and the next time you see her,
nothing is in a cast or stitched up,
Then you’d better stand at least 5 feet from her glare,
and be prepared to NEVER,
and I mean Not Ever,
be trusted to do what you say you will,
until your so old, your pdoc has to also be a paleontologist.
It’s all in how your raised,
but I’m the same way too, but since I have worked outside the house, my mom is more sheltered
therefore always surprised,
by people’s lack of…um,
keeping their word.
So she gets far more irritated than me,
and still believes that a person is only as good as their word.
I’ve modified that saying by acknowledging the fact that
People are only as good as their word, given the factors of their current environment.
