Pretty much everyone knows I am off APs now. I thought I’d update with my progress.
On Invega I really lost myself. I was on the highest dose, 234mg every 3 weeks for about 2 years. I had no emotion, flat, apathetic, and no motivation at all. I could do barely anything, had to force myself to do literally anything.
Then my doc added Abilify and it helped. So I asked if I could go on Abilify shots, he chose Aristada. It’s the same med, just a bit different and for sz/sza. I did a bit better and could do more.
Then I felt much better and decided after a year I wanted to try dropping APs completely. My doc agreed with the caveat that I keep a 1mg prn of risperdone on hand in case of relapse.
I still felt all the side effects for a long time. Its been about a year and a half now and I finally feel side effect free. I still have negative symptoms from the disease, but am stable with few positives.
This past week I have felt more like myself and more motivated than in 5 years. Over the pasy month I’ve cooked more and better. I’ve put effort into everything instead of coasting along. This past week I started baking again, something I haven’t been doing for years.
Today I cleared out 5 contractor bags of old, gross clothes. My room is half cleared. It’s 5 years of neglect,but I’m slowly taking back my house after neglecting everything for so long due to severe negatives.
I’m feeling much more hopeful and am very stable for now.
I’m not sure what you mean by controlled thinking.
I reality check with my husband or friend if I hear things or think something weird. I talk myself through bad anxiety and magical thinking or force myself to ignore the negative magical thinking I am prone to. Ie- If I think of this bad thing it will happen.
I tried that back in 2015 I think when it was quite new here, but I did not tolerate it well at all and ended up relapsing quite badly. But I was probably already a bit too far gone before I started it anyway
Went back on Latuda a couple of months back.
Progress has been good but still getting Akasthia
Better than being in bed all the time like I was on another med
Tried Clozapine, but the side effects for that came on quick, and it put me off.
That sounds really hopeful. Thanks for sharing that on the forum. I’m happy it is working out for you so well. I’ve known of before you were talking about the negatives, the emotional flatlining. I didn’t realize it was that bad for you.
It’s a reason for me as well to try without meds, next to developping creepy physical symptoms.
I really feel happy for you that you are so stable off meds and everything is going so much better. I’d love - but feel free - if you could share in more detailed ways what helps you correct delusional thinking. It’s something I sometimes struggle with. Wishing you well. Can imagine the frigth that there will be relapse, it is something I’m constantly aware of personally and constantly monitor and try to steer away from. But I think you learned a lot.
For heqring things, I ask my husband or friend if they heard what I did. So etimes I realize it isn’t real, but my particular hallucinations revolve around things that actually can happen. Knocks, car doors slamming, people saying my name for attention, and myriad other little things that are common anyway. I just try to ignore it unless it’s something that I need to address like a door knock.
For delusional thinking, it is right now contained to more social anxiety of people disliking me or prete ding to like me. I counter that by remembering all the nice things people do and say. If they secretly hated me, they wouldn’t even think to do or say such nice things. So proof against the delusion.
Magical thinking is harder. I have to physically move from one spot to another. If I am in the kitchen and think of a bad thing, I move to another area. If I can’t, then I try to force the thoughts to stop by mentally singing a song or forcing myself to think something else. This one is the hardest, definitely.
Ah, thanks for sharing that. I have no auditory stuff. But I’m prone to the social anxiety just as you describe. I’m insecure. I’ll try what you write. I was recently upset. Someone I’m privately chatting with for a long time and who has clearly voiced that he likes me a lot, made a stupid harsh joke. I thought he didn’t like me at all and had been pretending all the time and was upset. He reminded me that we had been chatting daily for ages and he had clearly voiced that he liked me. It helps indeed if I or others remind me of such context, as you write.
The magical thinking is gone now, but it’s a challenge for me too, normally.I will try of moving rooms or surroundings or singing a song helps… thanks for the tip.
This is good. I wish I could be med free. I’ve been stable a while just minor symptoms. Maybe I will ask my psychiatrist if I can come off medication too.
