I have got some sort of brain damage. I just know it. I’m trying to do a sudoku puzzle which I used to be able to breeze through. Now I just stare blankly at it hoping to see something. I’m so much dumber than I used to be and it makes me feel awful. My brain is literally rotting away in my skull and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. Sometimes I can feel it rotting away and I just want to drill a hole in my head to get at it. Hate my brain. I just want to destroy it.
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Things will get better, my friend. Stay positive
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I used to love the way my brain worked but now I feel stupid I can’t remember ■■■■
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Things like that tend to come and go in phases. Also, other abilities can become apparent when one ability is temporarily hampered. Don’t worry about it too much. That will make it worse.
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Since my second psychotic break, I can’t do puzzles of any kind either, and I used to love them. I used to spend hours working on those puzzle books you get at the newsstand. Still haven’t found anything to replace that time. I guess this forum!
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Love yourself for being stupid at the present time.
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I definitely feel that my cognition has dulled down considerably.
In my case I’m pretty sure that it’s the Depakote that is contributing to this slow down.
But some of it could be caused by the disorder itself.
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I feel the same way. I used to be so smart and now I’m average at best. It’s awful.
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I was over at my brothers place and saw something they had bought home from work. It was some report about 2 inches thick. I assume somebody was going to read it. My brother or his wife.
I used to handle stuff like that before I had my first hospitalisation. Now I wouldn’t have the concentration to read the first paragraph.
On the other hand I was never any good at sudoku at any time, ever !
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This is me with the New York Times crossword puzzle. I used to subscribe to the app and do the daily puzzles and tons of puzzles in the archives. I’ve probably done thousands of puzzles over the last 15 years. Now because my memory is so bad I can’t do them anymore. I cancelled my subscription.
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Same. I hate it. I used to be so smart. It used to be my whole identity. I was always the smartest, now I’m a blathering idiot that can barely get a complete sentence out. It sucks, and I don’t know what can be done. I wonder if stopping the meds would even help or if this is just permanent brain damage now. I guess it doesn’t matter, can’t stop the meds anyway. I just have to learn to live with it and I guess it’s karma for all the times I felt intellectually superior to other people, now I see how the other half live.
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Me too. I was so effortlessly smart and I took it for granted. It’s tough getting accustomed to my new identity, especially at work where I have so many limitations and can only handle the simplest of tasks. It makes me feel really bad about myself.
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Oh I’m so sorry. Yea, I had to give up my simple job as a cashier. I couldn’t even handle that job anymore. I had already given up my previous high paying much more complicated job as an Eligibility Specialist for the county due to a paranoid delusion. It was kinda like my last hope at working. Now I just can’t at all.
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Do you mind if I ask what job you do?
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I’m basically an administrative assistant, but the role has pretty much been pared down to meet my limitations. It’s very basic. All the other assistants work on projects and much more complex tasks that involve a higher degree of planning and organization. My boss no longer asks those things of me. Honestly I don’t even know why they still let me work there. Maybe they feel bad for me. In any case, it’s super stressful for me because I struggle so much, but I need the income and the health insurance.
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I’m sorry it’s so stressful. I remember the last day I worked. I was standing there with a line of customers and the fake smile left my face and I met eyes with the floor supervisor and I signaled for her to come over. She could see something was wrong because I wasn’t smiling and came in the cage and took over. I went in the back room and cried. After a bit I was able to close out my shift but I knew that was the last time I would be on shift ever because I had felt myself give up. It just went out of me. It was weird. And I’ve been on disability ever since. I’m still hoping it comes back so I can get back to work, they say my job is still waiting for me.
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I think it’s awesome that you keep going. I wish I would have never given up. That’s one thing I would change if I could go back.
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My concentration is definitely dulled. Long pieces of info and I start skimming it because I just can’t focus like I used to.
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Yeah maybe the universe is punishing me for being too prideful of my intellect. It used to be the one thing I had going for me as I certainly lack in the beauty department. I lost my athletic body to the Olanzapine and now I can’t even do what used to be simple puzzles. All I need now is to lose my job and I’ve lost everything. Not in a good space right now.
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I’m sorry to hear that. When I stopped working it was a big blow. I had a lot of my self-esteem tied up in doing a great job. But now I just have to try to love myself and find value in just being. I hope you can stay working for as long as possible, don’t give up.
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