So much loss

[LilyoftheValley]

I completely relate. Hopefully others here can tell us what they did to help them think more clearly

[77nick77]

My case of schizophrenia was pretty severe in the first couple years. My first year after being diagnosed I spent in a group home. I was 19-20 years old. I had no friends, no money, no job, no car, certainly no girlfriend, very little sanity, no school. And I suffered terribly, every minute of every day.

I spent months sitting in an old dirty chair out back by myself fighting for my sanity. After a year there, I was put in the hospital. Pretty much the same as the group home but now I was locked up with 75 other maniacs.

I got put on medication for the first time and it didn’t make me better but it stopped me from getting worse. Spent 8 months in that place.

I got released to a nice group home this time. I was still severely ill but somehow the combination of being in a nice environment with plenty of structure got me fairly stable.

In the first group home and the hospital things looked pretty hopeless. I saw no future. I was suicidal often. But in this new group homes I improved in tiny increments and after 9 months I got a job. I stayed at that job four years, through thick and thin, through psychosis and depression and through a lot of other crap life threw me.

Now I’m 60 years old. I’m looking back on working almost steadily, albeit mostly part time, for almost the last 40 years. I still take one online class at a time. I am just finishing up my degree for my own satisfaction, I have three more classes to go. I lived independently for 20 years. I’ve been driving my own cars since 1997. I take care of myself and manage to have fun sometimes. I won’t lie, life gets tough sometimes. It’s tough but I still fool around and play my little games like everyone else, it’s not all serious and life and death.

I just wanted to give my story to give you a little hope and show you what is possible. You may not work for 38 years but you could certainly work 5 years maybe, or even ten. One thing I observed in 40 years of adulthood is that almost everybody has potential, you may not see it in yourself but others might see it in you.

I was severely, severely ill and I got better. Other people, including you, have that chance too. Don’t give up. Most people suffer at the beginning of their disease but most people get better. Recovery is a reality. We all deserve a chance and there’s people out there who want to help. I hope things get better for you, take it easy and good luck.

[Schwann]

Thanks so much @77nick77 for sharing your story. You have been amazingly brave and strong to lead such a rich life. Thanks for showing me there is hope even from the darkest lows.

[duffer]

This is inspiring nick. Thanks for sharing