Schizophrenia.com

So... i feel lost

The reason why i feel lost is. I feel like i am trans gender. But my voices say that i am not at all. I had strong delusions in the past. And part of feel like what i feel on the inside is a delusion. But the other part of me doesn’t like the fact i am a women. As well as parts of my body that i have. And i have felt this way even when i was before i had schizoafftive disorder.
So i am basically torn at this point. I am going to see a different therapist so maybe they can help ease my mind.

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Good luck with the therapy I think that can def help especially if you are very open and honest with them… Wish you all the best.

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Thank you dear. I appreciate it

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I am trans with sza and can relate to what you wrote. It’s hardhaving a psychotic disorder and being trans. The voices call me by my birth name and by she and sometimes I start believing I’m not trans at all and that it’s all a delusion. Only thing I can suggest is therapy to really sort out what’s real and what’s not. If you felt you were trans before developing sza chances are you are or at least identified that way in the past. Theres no hard rule to determine who’s trans and who’s not. One thing that helped me is focusing on what j want the outcome to be of my transition. Do you want certain parts of you to change that hormones or surgery can offer? Then go for it. If it makes you happy do it!

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I can understand your pain as well. Mine never call by my name. They only say she and it really makes me want to break down at times. But i know i can’t at times. As well as some facters i been binding and packing and thats when i feel most comfortable wuth myself. As welm as dressing in mens cloths. But i do still like wemons cloths like skirts and dress. Though when i was a child i used to wear them. I’d start to cry cuz i didn’t like how they made me feel at all.
All we can do is stay strong and we both can get through this.

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Men can enjoy wearing dresses and such! I wear some women’s clothes because I couldnt care less about gendered clothing. But you could also explore being non binary if that resonates with you

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I feel uncomfortable about parts of my body too. I already have high testosterone too (pcos). I feel uncomfortable with my private parts. and I am really hairy. though I can get something done about the hair, hopefuly it will work on me.

I just feel like I am nt a proper woman sometimes

why don’t you like the fact that you are a woman?is it mainly an intuitive feeling or are there conscious reasons

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Well part of it has to be with when i was raped a nimber of times by a close friend of mine when i was 15. That trauma is what made me develop my schizoafftive disorder. As well as making me not like being women. I think part of the reason is do to the fact i don’t want anyone to sexually abuse me again. So i suppose i gotten into this mind set that i need to protect myself by any means. I quite dont know anymore if i am or not a women. I guess i just made myself confused.

I’m so sorry to hear that about when you were younger. That is disgusting of them. It is def understandable why you feel like the way you do. And It’s OK to be uncertain about which gender u feel u are. Isn’t there even a binary gender as someone has mentioned.

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I have. I went with gender fulid for a while. For some reason trans gender keeps coming back to me, if thay makes any sense? Idk why i keep getting draw to in away as it feels right.

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